"Stop listening to your inner cricket."

And by that, of course, Lewis meant inner critic. :]
He was giving me a lecture.
Actually, he talks to me a lot now... and not in a "Hi, how are ya?" kind of way. It's more of a... well, I don't really know an analogy for that one. But it's like, (yes, I understand this is probably not a word) flirtingly, right?
Note: Yes, just realised the word is flirtatiously.
And it's awkward for me. Because I don't like him.
>.<
Gahhhh, he's freaking insane, anyway, if he's flirting with me of all people.
Plus, it's not just my intuition sort of thing, by saying he likes me-- he's actually told people. And, ugh. It's just messed up; I don't understand it and I don't want anything to happen.
But I feel a bit lonely nowadays... friendswise. It's not that my friends aren't talking to me or aren't happy with me or whatever, they're fine, but it's just... me. How do I describe it?
I'm not one of those people that you pay extra-special attention to, you know? I don't stand out, I'm not important to anyone in that sense-- that sense being, just someone to talk to--... and so it's like... even with Ellie, now, there are better people she can talk to. It's not like I blame her or I'm offended by it, cause I'm used to it, but it's just... well, I hate it, because it makes me feel distanced from everyone.
Like everyone thinks one way and I think the other. I dunno, it's hard to explain.
The stupid thing is that Ellie was one of the people that I thought that was different with, y'know? Like, she still talks to me and everything, of course, buuuut, not as much.
Although Rya and I have lots of conversations -- but only over my fanfiction. Which is utterly stupid, because it's not like that's anything I should be commended for, anyway.
I guess I should stop complaining, it's not like anything has actually happened. It's been a gradual thing. And it's random, too -- some days, it's like that distance isn't there. So I'm not sure. Hell, tomorrow I could be all happy and whatever. Who knows.
But the other thing is, that might be part of the fact that they're Ellie's friends. Like, I'm not part of the group just because of me, right, so... eh. That's my theory, because with Simone and Sarina, it's never distant. I can always talk to them and be happy and everything-- I suppose because they're my friends; and I know that sounds shallow, but it's all I can think of.
So now I'm complaining because Lewis talks to me TOO much, and my other friends, not enough.
And I realise how this will sound, but I think I'm getting seperation anxiety.
Don't even ask from who, don't make me say it.
The good thing is, my class with him is tomorrow. Half an hour a week... it sucks!
And on Thursday, no classes. We're spending the whole day listening to the teachers talk to us about subject selection for our senior years. Yay.
So tomorrow and Thursday should be good. And Friday's good cause I have my favourite subjects. Then I'm invited to the movies on the weekend, blah blah blah...
I'm apparently going to Sydney sometime in the next 4 - 6 weeks to see my grandparents and great-grandma (she's really sick, so...). And also, my dad's oldest brother and his wife split up, so their youngest daughter -- my cousin -- has depression. Which is why we're going in the first place, me and Dad, cause he thinks I'm the kind of person that can cheer her up.
: If this post is a testament...
But seriously, I haven't seen her in like... uh, maybe 8 years? She's 17.
Anyway, I gotta go.
Hope you guys are having a good week :] I'm open to any random conversation, believe me.
Well, of course I'm always open to random conversation, but at the moment, more so than usual.
<3