Thankyou, and I'm sorry.

I hate planes. I hate them. I despise everything about them. The seats, food, expenses, and everything they stand for-- everything that is so unnatural and not right for a human to do. I hate the feeling of weightlessness you get as you take off, I hate knowing that every second the engine is roaring and sending you sky-high, is every second you could plummet to your messy death.
The only good thing about planes is landing-- the exhilaration you get as the plane jolts that last time, hitting the ground. Going as fast as if it were taking off again, and then slowing to a stop. That, I love. That reassured feeling of absolute safety.

I've found that to me, friendships are a lot like plane trips. There's taking off, which is the most likely time for the engine (so to speak) to fail; there's the ride, sometimes smooth, others, not so much. And sometimes, unfortunately, those friendships can result in a fiery crash, leaving body parts and mangled pieces of metal strewn over a five-kilometre radius.
I've experienced that a lot in the past week. That gut-wrenching sadness you feel when a friendship you held so close to your heart is shattered beyond repair. And regret, making you hate yourself for everything that happened.

I'm fairly poor at analogies, but this one seems so ironic. The timing's almost poetic.

Of course you guys would have no clue of what I'm talking about now. I must seem crazy. Let me assure you, though it seems unlikely... I, for once, am not.
I need to stress something very strongly right now, because I think most of you mentioned it in your comments.

I would trust you all with my life.

Sorry, let me rephrase that.

I would trust you all with Ellie's life.

It's just that my own doesn't mean much to me right now, so it was a fairly empty statement. But Ellie and I patched things up yesterday-- she being the only one-- and so, she's almost all I have, right now. Sure, there's Stalker Guy. Sarina. Simone. Perhaps a few others, though they're not as close to me...
Back to my point.

I trust you all so, so much. I trust you not to judge me, or betray me, or anything like that. I love you guys a whole lot. And I can't stress how thankful I am for your comments, I really can't. They helped more than anything.
So allow me to explain why I kept everything a bit, as Mari said, cryptic.
This is all going to sound corny and stupid, and even slightly egotistical.
But I really don't want you guys to worry; you all have your own stuff going on. And as PF said, I know you guys would try to help me and be there for me, and that, my friends, is the problem. I do not want to burden you guys with my issues, it seems pointless and horrible for me to do that, when you all help so much as it is. Like I said, perhaps it's egotistical for me to believe that anything I say could have an impact on how you feel. But maybe not. I don't want this blog to be a place of negativity. Not again. I love you guys too much to make you read through my complaints. It would make me feel horrible. Although I realise I'm doing it right now.
Don't worry about outlets. I have my mum, I have someone to talk to. I can write stories, etc. It's okay. Let me get back on my feet myself for once, you guys don't need the added hassle.

So, happy birthdays are in order. Firstly, for Ellie on the 23rd. Simone's on the 27th. Then my friend Kaylee today-- and my blog. Happy birthday, blog.
I don't think I ever expected to keep blogging for this long. I thought it'd be one of those things I'd try for a week or so, and then go ehhh and give up.
I probably owe that to you guys. Our little family is fantastic, so many great people with their own attributes. I don't have time to mention and credit to each of you properly, but... yeah.

Well, today was okay, better than most, lately. Went to Indro Centre after school with Ellie and got KFC. Ellie bought an iPod. Then we caught the bus home, but there were no seats, so we sat up the front in the bag rack thing and sang, which was cool.
On Thursday I'm going to Sydney with Dad and Indi, till Sunday. Eh. Seeing a heap of family people. I dunno how we'll fit it all in, but there you go.
Exams and stuff coming up. Work exp. in the first week of holidays.
Umm... think that's it.

Thankyou guys times infinity for all of your comments, it means heaps to me that you guys bother, and care. x] <333

Have a good week, I'll probably post on Sunday night, when I get back from Sydney.
Love you guys.
<3