It's BeardFACÉ!

I'm running out of random titles that I can dedicate to Scrubs.
Pff, yeah right.

Anyway, firstly I'm gonna start with a random thing, and then, well, you can stop reading, I guess, cause I shall be rambling. And not to anyone in particular; just a soliloquiy in writing, I suppose. Man, I hate spelling that word, I never get it right.

Okay, I just thought of this cause I was on Christine's blog, like, 30 seconds ago, and do you guys know the song Not Good Enough For Truth in Cliché? This is kind of pointless, but I've been randomly asking a lot of people which version they like better (seeing as I have both on my iPod), and I've characterised both the groups and found out that, although this is obviously a generalisation, people like a version depending on their personality. I'm getting pretty good at guessing which version someone would like (as long as I know them). It's kind of random, and pointless, but I find it sort of interesting.
Anyway, the point to my rambling is I'm gonna post both versions of it here, and see if I've guessed right, for each of you guys. :] If you don't mind watching both. And if you don't like either, that's fine. It doesn't really matter if you answer, cause it's an aimless question. Lol. I'm just bored and have nothing else to say. xD
So, this is Version 1 and Version 2.

So, now I'm just going to ramble, because I've been thinking all day, and I want to jot it down. I don't know why, but, I do.
Another reason as to why no one would really want to read this is because I'm rambling about the topic I brought up yesterday-- the kid thing-- which Lanna has already discussed quite efficiently.
Oh well.

The other day something-- I should say, someone-- made me think about the time Mum spent a month in hospital, because her depression had gotten horribly bad.
...I can't really remember the month at home, with Dad, but I remember visiting her a lot. I remember spending Halloween with her and trick-or-treating through the wards and getting biscuits and money. I remember the strain on Mum's face when she tried to laugh through her tears. And I remember going home that night without her.
I recall my teacher giving me a hard time the month that preceeded that, because I'd stayed home so often to keep an eye on Mum after Dad went to work. My teacher had driven me to tears and yelled at me after school for missing so many days. I was eight, then.
Then the domino effect that often happens when I'm thinking made me think about the time Dad went away, and I didn't think he was going to come back-- because his depression had gotten that bad.
And seeing as I was doing the whole "remember when" thing with myself, I thought back to when I'd been... probably not even seven yet, and some crazy chick at my school had chased me with a brick for over an hour, screaming things at me, and when I'd told a teacher, they sent me to the principal, who then said, "You've got to learn how to face things head-on in life."
Ah, and then we moved, I remember. Mum got me taking anti-depressants cause I was so goddamn scared and couldn't trust people for who-knows-how-long. Isn't that weird, a depressed six-year-old?
The next school was better, but obviously that's saying something about the previous school, as when I was, eight, I think, I remember the wacko girl in our class stabbed me. In the arm, though. I wrapped fabric around it and didn't tell my parents... I didn't want to be the cause of us moving again.
Sorry, I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, or anything-- I'm actually just piecing things together. Not that I think anyone would be reading this.
Anyway, moving on.
I think everything was okay for quite a while then, because we moved to Brisbane in 2001. And I met Ellie and a few other people who I remain good friends (and enemies, unfortunately) with. In Grade 4, when Mum got depressed, I became a bit distanced with my friends-- including Ellie-- and I'm not sure if I've ever mended that rift between people. Not really. After that I was very tentative with meeting new people, whereas, when I had been younger, I had too many goddamn friends, hah. An equal amount of them were guys and girls, and they were all lots of fun to talk to and be kids with.
I was a stereotypical kid. The good kind. I was also insanely confident, to be honest.
I miss that.
I miss being a kid, when you can look in the mirror and see whatever you want to see. I used to believe the world had a lot of magic in it, and that people still went on amazing adventures and encountered elves and talking dolphins. (Yeah, this is when I was really young, obviously, and no, I wasn't high. xD)
I used to pretend to be this superhero I made up, and when I wasn't out, I'd pretend to be the secret identity of my superhero, who wasn't me, strangely enough. (Okay, seriously, I was three or four.) I'd think that walking down the street without someone beside me was an adventure, and, as naive as it was, I miss that. Our imaginations diminish over time, and our perspective of the world around us changes.
I'm not sure I like my perspective of the world, anymore.

And I know it's stupid to dwell on things that are long gone, and I should accept when, where, and who I am, but... I dunno. It makes me wish I hadn't wanted to grow up so much... like that would have made my childhood slow down. It wouldn't have, but, still.
I miss those fickle moods that kids get-- they're not all deep and meaningful, y'know? You get super-excited over going out for ice cream, or upset because some other kid gets to stay at the party longer, but you have to go home now. It was easy. There's no self-critic or self-consciousness or worrying if someone is saying something and meaning another... ehh. I'm rambling, I know.

I guess I miss thinking some people were perfect. I miss not being able to pinpoint flaws in people I used to, or still do, respect.
I don't miss being the same height as the door handle and walking into it. xD
I don't miss becoming aware of the real world for the first time.
But I miss seeing a plane in the sky and thinking it was Santa.

I'm sounding like an idiot... and saying "I" way too much. Lol.
Anyways, I shall stop now.
<3