I'm sorry it's been so long.
Truthfully, too much has been going on for me to be able to predict when I'll be able to post next... or if I'll be able to. I hope I can, but I can't say.
I miss hearing from you guys as often as I used to, and maybe it will all fix itself up soon and everything will go back to normal.
Sorry for the cryptic words, but I don't have time to explain anything.
I hope you're all well.
Edit:
Alright, I've got some spare time, if you could call it such. It's not much. Just allow me to paint a scene for you, and maybe it'll be enough to last until I post next.
This is what's going on right now, and it's all I have time for.
Five minutes ago my father called my mother's mobile. A guy named Matt answered-- that's fine, he's gay-- and told my dad that Mum was too drunk to drive home and that he intended to drop her off once she'd sobered up a bit.
My sister's just not two minutes ago dumped her full plate of food onto the bench and stormed off, followed by Dad, who's yelling at her, now. Loudly. My sister's crying is just as loud... but it's not that typical pre-teen whine that's her trademark, if you will, but sobbing. Dad's stormed off muttering profanities and ignored my presence in the room.
My sister's still crying; it's raining, now. I'm wondering how drunk Mum will be when she gets home. She's not a drinker.
I've got that now-familiar pain shooting through my limbs; it stopped me typing for a few minutes. It's subsided a bit now.
Even though it hasn't hit 7:30, yet, all bar two of the lights are out, and apart from my typing and the rain, it's silent. But even though I'm the only one that hasn't either gone on a drinking frenzy or locked themselves angrily in their rooms, I've still got to go.
I don't sleep much at nights because I don't let my mind dwindle. Three nights ago I cleaned for four hours while everyone else slept... just for something to do. It's good, because I can barely see, and there are patterns all up my arms I'd prefer stayed hidden.
Ignore that last part.
Anyway... I think there're clothes to be folded.
Bye.
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Other places.
Following... people?
Hehehe!
Janitor: You seem unhappy. I like that.
Dr Cox: Oh, my God; I care so little, I almost passed out.
Dr Kelso: Ahh! I want you to kill the giant bat that's been living in my attic!
Turk: You keep Enid in the attic?
Janitor: Okay, hotshot, what would you use to get a coffee stain up off a tile floor?
JD: I don't know... the rough side of a sponge? [silence]
Janitor: Dammit.
Dr Cox: Let me introduce you to, A Man Who Doesn't Care.
JD: [thinking] Maybe I was being unfair to Turk. Maybe it's too much to expect a friend to just sense that you're upset and wanna talk about it...
Elliot: [when JD walks by Elliot and Carla] Carla, I can sense you're upset, talk to me!
JD: [looks confused, then continues walking and thinks] OK, but Turk is a prideful guy and it's hard for prideful guys to admit when they've been insensitive…
Dr Cox: [when JD walks by Dr. Cox and Jordan] Listen, Jordan, I've been incredibly insensitive...
JD: [looking back to the hallway, thinking] Touché, magic hallway!
JD: A drunk clown hurt me once.
JD: Why don't I ever listen to me?
Ted: And you know what else? I quit!
Dr Kelso: No you don't!
Ted: Well, I'm leaving early today!
Dr Kelso: No, you're not! You're coming back to my office to do busy work!
Ted: Fine, but I'm getting a soda first!
Dr Kelso: Whatever.
Turk: Laverne, I wrote the guest list for this conversation, and just in case, if you're wondering, you're not on it!
Carla: Please! What about all the women you've slept with? Your ex-wife, that med student, your ex-wife, the cute nurse from radiology, your ex-wife...
Dr Cox: Would you please get off my ex-wife?
Carla: I will if you will.
[Cox breaks down laughing]
Dr Cox: Well... dammit! Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.
Elliot: [In french] Do you speak french?
Turk: You know, I did learn a little when my high school class went to France, but that was just stuff to pick up chicks.
Elliot: [French] I really think it would make Tyler feel better if he could watch, ok?
[Turk is lost]
Turk: [Bad French] I have... an... Eiffel Tower... in my pants.
Elliot: What?
Turk: [Bad French] Grapefruit!
Dr Cox: They hate you, Bob. They hate from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. They hate you. By God, they hate you good.
Dr Kelso: [threateningly, to Nurse Roberts, who is chuckling] What’s so funny?
Nurse Roberts: Oh, just the hooves and pitchfork part.
[much more threateningly]
Nurse Roberts: Why?
Dr Kelso: [Frightened] Uh, no reason.
[Elliot keeps talking at a patient with a wired jaw]
Nurse: Did somebody here buzz for a nurse?
Elliot: No.
Nurse: [Looking at the patient] It looks like his eyes are screaming...
Dr Cox: Yo, girl's name!
JD: What?
Dr Cox: Gimme a break, Ellen, I got a lot on my mind, and look at that, I bounced back.
Dr Kelso: [on phone in his office] Yes, Enid, I hear Baxter growling, but the fact is, you ventured into his side of the house!
[listens, smiling]
Dr Kelso: Baring his teeth, huh?... OK, now here's whatcha do... Are you ready?
[pauses, smiling]
Dr Kelso: Make a sudden move!
[barks, growls and screams are heard from the phone. Kelso hangs up, chuckling]
Dr Kelso: Ahh, those two.
[JD asks Dr Kelso to tell him a story of when he was an intern]
Dr Kelso: Oh, what the hell. Back in '68… I don't like you. The end.
Cox’s Shrink: You mean to tell me that you actually took the advice of another human being? This is a big moment for me.
Dr Cox: Yuh-huh.
Cox’s Shrink: Well, by God, Perry, if there is a person in that hell-hole of a hospital that can give you advice, keep that person around you for as long as possible. Because, that person is nothing short… of a genius.
[Cut to J.D in an elevator, singing and dancing]
JD: Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting!
[pause]
JD: Those kicks were fast as lightning!
Carla: Well?
Dr Cox: I'm sorry, would you please repeat the question?
Carla: Are you just gonna roll over like that?
Jordan: That's weird, I asked him the same thing last night.
Carla: Where's the outrage? The anger? The hate?
Jordan: Again, last night!
Carla: You've gone soft.
Jordan: [Gasps] Okay, now it's getting spooky.
Elliot: Frick on a stick with a brick!
Dr Cox: Shower shorts, newbie?
JD: For the man who has nothing to hide… but still wants to.
Paul: Sometimes it feels like you're holding back.
Elliot: Of course I'm holding back, I'm insane, you idiot. Remember the other day when you told me I had pit-stains? Well I have cried every fifteen minutes on the half-hour since you told me that. I am racked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks, I'm claustrophobic, germ-phobic, phobia-phobic. I talk to myself, I talk to my cats, I talk to three separate shrinks about the fact that often my cats respond to me in my mother's voice and, yesterday, when that stupid, pretty surgical nurse handed you a pair of latex gloves I almost killed the guy who's leg I was stitching up because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex on a box of steaks. Why a box of steaks? 'Cos my Dad had an affair with a female butcher and, as I mentioned before, I am insane. There, I opened up, are you happy?
[to toddler Jack, at his parent's wedding-like divorce ceremony] Carla: You have no chance of being normal.
JD: [thinking] Just tell him how you feel without sounding like a girl for once.
[to Turk] JD: I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.
[J.D. faces a burnt-faced Dr. Kelso, who has just had hot coffee splashed on his face]
JD: [Thinking] Oh my God, do not say splotchy.
JD: Good splotchy, Dr Splotchy.
JD:[to himself, as Dr. Cox stands next to him at a urinal] Okay, just act natural. (out loud) Hey, Dr. Cox. Takin' a whiz?
JD: You're an actor.
Janitor: You're a fireman... What are we doing?
Dr Cox: No matter where you go in life, always keep an eye out for Johnny, the tackling Alzheimer's patient.
JD: What's that supposed to mean?!
Patient: [Tackling J.D. from out of nowhere, shouting] Who am I?
[Turk shows his new interns the patient list]
Turk: This guy needs brain work, this guy needs a heart...
JD: This one needs courage.
Turk: Helping or hurting, JD? Helping or hurting?
Janitor: I liked the way blond-hair-doctor looked. She brightened my day. But you don't care about that, do you? No... because you're unconscious.
Ted: [shouting on the phone] You want to quit? Then quit! But you, sir, are a worthless peon and you will *always* be a worthless peon!
[hangs up]
Ted: Sir, you know my band, The Worthless Peons? Well, Chris from Shipping & Receiving wants to go solo! If we lose him, we'll lose our sex appeal. He's the only one with hair! What do you think I should do?
Dr Kelso: Ted, you know my rule about personal problems - I'm not interested unless it involves my loved ones. Or possibly my wife.
[hands Ted a file]
Dr Kelso: Do lawyer stuff to that.
[about Dr. Cox]
Dr Kelso: And I'll be damned if he doesn't disagree with everything I say just because I said it.
JD: Sir, I don't think that's true.
[Kelso turns around to face Dr Cox, who is on the other side of the room]
Dr Kelso: It's hotter than hell in here, Perry!
Dr Cox: Freezing!
Dr Kelso: Great coffee, though!
Dr Cox: Rat piss!
Dr Kelso: Dr. Murphy here is an incompetent suck-up!
Dr Cox: No, Bob, in fact he's one of the finest young doctors I ever had the good fortune of working with.
Dr Kelso: [to J.D] Your witness.
[a woman with her son comes over to Dr. Cox and Jordan and starts talking to their son, Jack]
Woman: Hi, cutie! Since you have so many balls, and too many toys can be overstimulating for an infant, Brantley here was wondering if he could borrow one to play with.
Dr Cox: Oh, that's funny, because Jack here was just wondering why the crazy lady who just spent the last hour chain-smoking and talking on her cell phone while her kid ate sand, would come over to two complete strangers and give them parenting advice.
Jordan: Oh, he also thanked me for not naming him Brantley.
Dr Cox: Yeah.
JD: [voiceover] I knew Dr. Casey now pretty well, everyday, he goes to his first patient's room and touches every single thing in there...
Dr Casey: [touching things] Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink...
Dr Kelso: Dr. Casey, your patients are complaining about a noise in your wing.
Dr Casey: [pokes Dr. Kelso on the nose] Bink.
Dr Kelso: Dr. CASEY! Your patients!
Dr Casey: If the noise is bink then I can explain...
Dr Kelso: IT'S NOT BINK!
Elliot: Thanks again for helping me look for Carla.
Janitor: No problem. I'll check the dumpster.
Elliot: ...We're not looking for *dead* Carla.
Janitor: Atta girl. You stay optimistic.
Dr Kelso: [drunk at Turk and Carlas wedding reception] Ahh, Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr Kelso: That's your first name!
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?
Dr Kelso: [to Carla] ... and Mrs. Turkleton! The Turkletons! Hehehe...
[to bartender]
Dr Kelso: Gimme a scotch.
Carla: Dr Cox... why is your mouth red?
Dr Cox: Duct tape, two hours in a morgue drawer, don't piss off the janitor. End of story.
JD: [butting in] will there be a piñata? Because I need to know if I should bring my piñata helmet.
Jordan: Up-up-bah! The only reason we invited you is because for *some* reason, you have your own Spongebob Squarepants costume!
JD: It was a gift!
[voice-over]
JD: From me, to me!
Dr Cox: [explaining he doesn't care it's JD's last week of residency] I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week. Let's see... low carb diets, Michael Moore, the Republican National Convention, Kabbalah & all Kabbalah-related products, Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hotspots, the OC, the UN, recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys, Jeff- that Wiggle that sleeps too darn much, the Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything every-everything that exists past, present & future, in discovered and undiscovered dimensions!
[turns away, then turns back]
Dr Cox: Oh, and Hugh Jackman.
JD: Hugh Jackman is Wolverine! How dare he!
JD: [Driving circles around The Janitor] Ring around the janitor, pocket full of...
Janitor: Pocket full of what.
JD: ZANitor.
Janitor: That's not a word.
JD: Oh, Mrs. Grodberg, JZILBEK is not a word.
Mrs Grodberg: But I'm still beating you...
JD: Well, I'm just glad your surgery went okay and you still have your A game. I don't really care who wins.
JD: [thinks] Half a brain, dammit!
[discussing an argument between Elliot and Alex, an attractive social worker J.D. is dating]
Turk: So, who'd you side with?
JD: Neither; I just pretended I was paged, and then when they said they didn't hear anything, I called them both liars and ran away.
Turk: Smooth.
Dr Kelso: Perry, what's our plan of attack?
Dr Cox: When I crush a person's spirit, I like to use a combination of intimidation and degradation.
Dr Kelso: I prefer to create an environment in which the subjects end up crushing themselves.
Dr Cox: [intrigued] Uh-huh.
Janitor: [while JD is coming up behind the Janitor] I like to pick one person and torment them relentlessly for no reason. If I could find them, I'd show you.
[JD sneaks away while ominous music plays]
Janitor: He's near...
Dr Cox: I... I'm sorry. Um... crazy person says what?
Jordan: [angry] What?!
Dr Cox: Atta girl.
Dr Cox: Oh, my God! I… I’m gagging and vomiting at the same time! … I’m… I’m gavomiting!
JD: Oh my God, the janitor's afraid of Carla! How can I use this to my advantage?
[Cut to a fantasy where Carla is confronting the janitor]
Carla: Listen, I want you to lay off J.D.! Stop accusing him of things he didn't do. And bring him a fruit smoothie every day!
Janitor: [In Spanish] Would he like strawberry or banana?
Carla: [In Spanish] ... Purple tree car with cheese.
Janitor: [In Spanish] LIAR!
[He removes her mask, revealing J.D]
JD: Feliz Navidad...
[He retreats. Cut back to reality]
JD: I'd have to learn Spanish.
[Carla's assisting Turk in surgery]
Turk: Scalpel.
Carla: Scalpel what?
Turk: Scalpel, please.
Carla: Here you go, baby. Sorry: Dr. Baby.
[She giggles. Dr. Wen interrupts]
Dr Wen: [to Turk] Shall we proceed, Dr. Baby?
Dr Cox: I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it.
[Later…]
Dr Cox: By the by, this moment is so great that I would cheat on that other moment from before with it, marry it, and raise a family of tiny little moments.
Dr Kelso: I got you a present for your trip to Mexico. It's my old Spanish to English dictionary. I don't need it anymore, I've mastered the language.
Dr Clock: Gracias, Señor.
Dr Kelso: You're welcomo.
Dr Cox: I went ahead and took the liberty of making you five Man Cards. Hold them very dear, because every time you drop the ball, man-wise, I'm going to take one from you.
JD: I don't need your approval, or your stupid Man Cards! Although the lettering is darling. Have you ever done calligraphy?
Dr Cox: [snatching one of the cards] Thank you.
JD: Dammit!
Dr Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and give you back one of these Man Cards. You deserve it.
JD: Wow... Wanna hug?
Dr Cox: [taking the card back] You held on to it as long as you could, didn't you?
[Turk is using an endoscope to find a hernia inside a patient]
Bonnie: We're so lost.
Turk: We're not lost.
Bonnie: Go left, here.
Turk: It's a right.
Bonnie: You passed his Cooper's ligament three times already. Just stop and ask for directions!
Turk: Do you want to drive this thing? 'Cause I will pull - I will pull this thing over and let you drive this thing!
Dr Cox: Honestly, I haven't been this happy since Christmas when I was seven years old and my father showed me how to make a snow angel. Actually, he was passed out drunk in the yard... But I did take his arms and his legs and move them back and forth... And... th-the paramedics said it was one of the finest snow angels that they'd ever seen. So, maybe the fact that I am the kinder, gentler Cox is every last bit of okay. Maybe it's a... a natural progression. It's not like there's any real ramifications... [laughs]
Dr Cox: ... right?
Dr Cox: Oh, my God; I care so little, I almost passed out.
Dr Kelso: Ahh! I want you to kill the giant bat that's been living in my attic!
Turk: You keep Enid in the attic?
Janitor: Okay, hotshot, what would you use to get a coffee stain up off a tile floor?
JD: I don't know... the rough side of a sponge? [silence]
Janitor: Dammit.
Dr Cox: Let me introduce you to, A Man Who Doesn't Care.
JD: [thinking] Maybe I was being unfair to Turk. Maybe it's too much to expect a friend to just sense that you're upset and wanna talk about it...
Elliot: [when JD walks by Elliot and Carla] Carla, I can sense you're upset, talk to me!
JD: [looks confused, then continues walking and thinks] OK, but Turk is a prideful guy and it's hard for prideful guys to admit when they've been insensitive…
Dr Cox: [when JD walks by Dr. Cox and Jordan] Listen, Jordan, I've been incredibly insensitive...
JD: [looking back to the hallway, thinking] Touché, magic hallway!
JD: A drunk clown hurt me once.
JD: Why don't I ever listen to me?
Ted: And you know what else? I quit!
Dr Kelso: No you don't!
Ted: Well, I'm leaving early today!
Dr Kelso: No, you're not! You're coming back to my office to do busy work!
Ted: Fine, but I'm getting a soda first!
Dr Kelso: Whatever.
Turk: Laverne, I wrote the guest list for this conversation, and just in case, if you're wondering, you're not on it!
Carla: Please! What about all the women you've slept with? Your ex-wife, that med student, your ex-wife, the cute nurse from radiology, your ex-wife...
Dr Cox: Would you please get off my ex-wife?
Carla: I will if you will.
[Cox breaks down laughing]
Dr Cox: Well... dammit! Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.
Elliot: [In french] Do you speak french?
Turk: You know, I did learn a little when my high school class went to France, but that was just stuff to pick up chicks.
Elliot: [French] I really think it would make Tyler feel better if he could watch, ok?
[Turk is lost]
Turk: [Bad French] I have... an... Eiffel Tower... in my pants.
Elliot: What?
Turk: [Bad French] Grapefruit!
Dr Cox: They hate you, Bob. They hate from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. They hate you. By God, they hate you good.
Dr Kelso: [threateningly, to Nurse Roberts, who is chuckling] What’s so funny?
Nurse Roberts: Oh, just the hooves and pitchfork part.
[much more threateningly]
Nurse Roberts: Why?
Dr Kelso: [Frightened] Uh, no reason.
[Elliot keeps talking at a patient with a wired jaw]
Nurse: Did somebody here buzz for a nurse?
Elliot: No.
Nurse: [Looking at the patient] It looks like his eyes are screaming...
Dr Cox: Yo, girl's name!
JD: What?
Dr Cox: Gimme a break, Ellen, I got a lot on my mind, and look at that, I bounced back.
Dr Kelso: [on phone in his office] Yes, Enid, I hear Baxter growling, but the fact is, you ventured into his side of the house!
[listens, smiling]
Dr Kelso: Baring his teeth, huh?... OK, now here's whatcha do... Are you ready?
[pauses, smiling]
Dr Kelso: Make a sudden move!
[barks, growls and screams are heard from the phone. Kelso hangs up, chuckling]
Dr Kelso: Ahh, those two.
[JD asks Dr Kelso to tell him a story of when he was an intern]
Dr Kelso: Oh, what the hell. Back in '68… I don't like you. The end.
Cox’s Shrink: You mean to tell me that you actually took the advice of another human being? This is a big moment for me.
Dr Cox: Yuh-huh.
Cox’s Shrink: Well, by God, Perry, if there is a person in that hell-hole of a hospital that can give you advice, keep that person around you for as long as possible. Because, that person is nothing short… of a genius.
[Cut to J.D in an elevator, singing and dancing]
JD: Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting!
[pause]
JD: Those kicks were fast as lightning!
Carla: Well?
Dr Cox: I'm sorry, would you please repeat the question?
Carla: Are you just gonna roll over like that?
Jordan: That's weird, I asked him the same thing last night.
Carla: Where's the outrage? The anger? The hate?
Jordan: Again, last night!
Carla: You've gone soft.
Jordan: [Gasps] Okay, now it's getting spooky.
Elliot: Frick on a stick with a brick!
Dr Cox: Shower shorts, newbie?
JD: For the man who has nothing to hide… but still wants to.
Paul: Sometimes it feels like you're holding back.
Elliot: Of course I'm holding back, I'm insane, you idiot. Remember the other day when you told me I had pit-stains? Well I have cried every fifteen minutes on the half-hour since you told me that. I am racked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks, I'm claustrophobic, germ-phobic, phobia-phobic. I talk to myself, I talk to my cats, I talk to three separate shrinks about the fact that often my cats respond to me in my mother's voice and, yesterday, when that stupid, pretty surgical nurse handed you a pair of latex gloves I almost killed the guy who's leg I was stitching up because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex on a box of steaks. Why a box of steaks? 'Cos my Dad had an affair with a female butcher and, as I mentioned before, I am insane. There, I opened up, are you happy?
[to toddler Jack, at his parent's wedding-like divorce ceremony] Carla: You have no chance of being normal.
JD: [thinking] Just tell him how you feel without sounding like a girl for once.
[to Turk] JD: I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.
[J.D. faces a burnt-faced Dr. Kelso, who has just had hot coffee splashed on his face]
JD: [Thinking] Oh my God, do not say splotchy.
JD: Good splotchy, Dr Splotchy.
JD:[to himself, as Dr. Cox stands next to him at a urinal] Okay, just act natural. (out loud) Hey, Dr. Cox. Takin' a whiz?
JD: You're an actor.
Janitor: You're a fireman... What are we doing?
Dr Cox: No matter where you go in life, always keep an eye out for Johnny, the tackling Alzheimer's patient.
JD: What's that supposed to mean?!
Patient: [Tackling J.D. from out of nowhere, shouting] Who am I?
[Turk shows his new interns the patient list]
Turk: This guy needs brain work, this guy needs a heart...
JD: This one needs courage.
Turk: Helping or hurting, JD? Helping or hurting?
Janitor: I liked the way blond-hair-doctor looked. She brightened my day. But you don't care about that, do you? No... because you're unconscious.
Ted: [shouting on the phone] You want to quit? Then quit! But you, sir, are a worthless peon and you will *always* be a worthless peon!
[hangs up]
Ted: Sir, you know my band, The Worthless Peons? Well, Chris from Shipping & Receiving wants to go solo! If we lose him, we'll lose our sex appeal. He's the only one with hair! What do you think I should do?
Dr Kelso: Ted, you know my rule about personal problems - I'm not interested unless it involves my loved ones. Or possibly my wife.
[hands Ted a file]
Dr Kelso: Do lawyer stuff to that.
[about Dr. Cox]
Dr Kelso: And I'll be damned if he doesn't disagree with everything I say just because I said it.
JD: Sir, I don't think that's true.
[Kelso turns around to face Dr Cox, who is on the other side of the room]
Dr Kelso: It's hotter than hell in here, Perry!
Dr Cox: Freezing!
Dr Kelso: Great coffee, though!
Dr Cox: Rat piss!
Dr Kelso: Dr. Murphy here is an incompetent suck-up!
Dr Cox: No, Bob, in fact he's one of the finest young doctors I ever had the good fortune of working with.
Dr Kelso: [to J.D] Your witness.
[a woman with her son comes over to Dr. Cox and Jordan and starts talking to their son, Jack]
Woman: Hi, cutie! Since you have so many balls, and too many toys can be overstimulating for an infant, Brantley here was wondering if he could borrow one to play with.
Dr Cox: Oh, that's funny, because Jack here was just wondering why the crazy lady who just spent the last hour chain-smoking and talking on her cell phone while her kid ate sand, would come over to two complete strangers and give them parenting advice.
Jordan: Oh, he also thanked me for not naming him Brantley.
Dr Cox: Yeah.
JD: [voiceover] I knew Dr. Casey now pretty well, everyday, he goes to his first patient's room and touches every single thing in there...
Dr Casey: [touching things] Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink...
Dr Kelso: Dr. Casey, your patients are complaining about a noise in your wing.
Dr Casey: [pokes Dr. Kelso on the nose] Bink.
Dr Kelso: Dr. CASEY! Your patients!
Dr Casey: If the noise is bink then I can explain...
Dr Kelso: IT'S NOT BINK!
Elliot: Thanks again for helping me look for Carla.
Janitor: No problem. I'll check the dumpster.
Elliot: ...We're not looking for *dead* Carla.
Janitor: Atta girl. You stay optimistic.
Dr Kelso: [drunk at Turk and Carlas wedding reception] Ahh, Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr Kelso: That's your first name!
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?
Dr Kelso: [to Carla] ... and Mrs. Turkleton! The Turkletons! Hehehe...
[to bartender]
Dr Kelso: Gimme a scotch.
Carla: Dr Cox... why is your mouth red?
Dr Cox: Duct tape, two hours in a morgue drawer, don't piss off the janitor. End of story.
JD: [butting in] will there be a piñata? Because I need to know if I should bring my piñata helmet.
Jordan: Up-up-bah! The only reason we invited you is because for *some* reason, you have your own Spongebob Squarepants costume!
JD: It was a gift!
[voice-over]
JD: From me, to me!
Dr Cox: [explaining he doesn't care it's JD's last week of residency] I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week. Let's see... low carb diets, Michael Moore, the Republican National Convention, Kabbalah & all Kabbalah-related products, Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hotspots, the OC, the UN, recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys, Jeff- that Wiggle that sleeps too darn much, the Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything every-everything that exists past, present & future, in discovered and undiscovered dimensions!
[turns away, then turns back]
Dr Cox: Oh, and Hugh Jackman.
JD: Hugh Jackman is Wolverine! How dare he!
JD: [Driving circles around The Janitor] Ring around the janitor, pocket full of...
Janitor: Pocket full of what.
JD: ZANitor.
Janitor: That's not a word.
JD: Oh, Mrs. Grodberg, JZILBEK is not a word.
Mrs Grodberg: But I'm still beating you...
JD: Well, I'm just glad your surgery went okay and you still have your A game. I don't really care who wins.
JD: [thinks] Half a brain, dammit!
[discussing an argument between Elliot and Alex, an attractive social worker J.D. is dating]
Turk: So, who'd you side with?
JD: Neither; I just pretended I was paged, and then when they said they didn't hear anything, I called them both liars and ran away.
Turk: Smooth.
Dr Kelso: Perry, what's our plan of attack?
Dr Cox: When I crush a person's spirit, I like to use a combination of intimidation and degradation.
Dr Kelso: I prefer to create an environment in which the subjects end up crushing themselves.
Dr Cox: [intrigued] Uh-huh.
Janitor: [while JD is coming up behind the Janitor] I like to pick one person and torment them relentlessly for no reason. If I could find them, I'd show you.
[JD sneaks away while ominous music plays]
Janitor: He's near...
Dr Cox: I... I'm sorry. Um... crazy person says what?
Jordan: [angry] What?!
Dr Cox: Atta girl.
Dr Cox: Oh, my God! I… I’m gagging and vomiting at the same time! … I’m… I’m gavomiting!
JD: Oh my God, the janitor's afraid of Carla! How can I use this to my advantage?
[Cut to a fantasy where Carla is confronting the janitor]
Carla: Listen, I want you to lay off J.D.! Stop accusing him of things he didn't do. And bring him a fruit smoothie every day!
Janitor: [In Spanish] Would he like strawberry or banana?
Carla: [In Spanish] ... Purple tree car with cheese.
Janitor: [In Spanish] LIAR!
[He removes her mask, revealing J.D]
JD: Feliz Navidad...
[He retreats. Cut back to reality]
JD: I'd have to learn Spanish.
[Carla's assisting Turk in surgery]
Turk: Scalpel.
Carla: Scalpel what?
Turk: Scalpel, please.
Carla: Here you go, baby. Sorry: Dr. Baby.
[She giggles. Dr. Wen interrupts]
Dr Wen: [to Turk] Shall we proceed, Dr. Baby?
Dr Cox: I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it.
[Later…]
Dr Cox: By the by, this moment is so great that I would cheat on that other moment from before with it, marry it, and raise a family of tiny little moments.
Dr Kelso: I got you a present for your trip to Mexico. It's my old Spanish to English dictionary. I don't need it anymore, I've mastered the language.
Dr Clock: Gracias, Señor.
Dr Kelso: You're welcomo.
Dr Cox: I went ahead and took the liberty of making you five Man Cards. Hold them very dear, because every time you drop the ball, man-wise, I'm going to take one from you.
JD: I don't need your approval, or your stupid Man Cards! Although the lettering is darling. Have you ever done calligraphy?
Dr Cox: [snatching one of the cards] Thank you.
JD: Dammit!
Dr Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and give you back one of these Man Cards. You deserve it.
JD: Wow... Wanna hug?
Dr Cox: [taking the card back] You held on to it as long as you could, didn't you?
[Turk is using an endoscope to find a hernia inside a patient]
Bonnie: We're so lost.
Turk: We're not lost.
Bonnie: Go left, here.
Turk: It's a right.
Bonnie: You passed his Cooper's ligament three times already. Just stop and ask for directions!
Turk: Do you want to drive this thing? 'Cause I will pull - I will pull this thing over and let you drive this thing!
Dr Cox: Honestly, I haven't been this happy since Christmas when I was seven years old and my father showed me how to make a snow angel. Actually, he was passed out drunk in the yard... But I did take his arms and his legs and move them back and forth... And... th-the paramedics said it was one of the finest snow angels that they'd ever seen. So, maybe the fact that I am the kinder, gentler Cox is every last bit of okay. Maybe it's a... a natural progression. It's not like there's any real ramifications... [laughs]
Dr Cox: ... right?
My Beauful Dog, ;]
"This is an intervention.... and birthday party! Happy birthday!... You have a problem."
Depression is like…
When the happiness inside you,
Becomes a flickering light.
Sometimes you’re happy,
But mostly upset,
And if things don’t get better,
That flame becomes dead.
Everything feels,
As if nothing is worth it,
And nothing feels,
That it still lies unbroken.
Inside you’re just dead,
Outside you’re plain scared,
Wondering if your life
Could ever be spared.
You’re capable of anything:
Suicide seems the easy way,
To make those things,
Just forever go away.
You hold the gun,
In your shaking hand,
Wondering what went wrong.
Then something bursts inside you-
The light, it’s back.
You drop the gun like a sack.
What were you doing?You could have been killed.
The gun shoots a round,
You run for the hills.
Depression is gone,
Here is another day.
A fresh beginning,
A happy ending.
There’s always a way.
When the happiness inside you,
Becomes a flickering light.
Sometimes you’re happy,
But mostly upset,
And if things don’t get better,
That flame becomes dead.
Everything feels,
As if nothing is worth it,
And nothing feels,
That it still lies unbroken.
Inside you’re just dead,
Outside you’re plain scared,
Wondering if your life
Could ever be spared.
You’re capable of anything:
Suicide seems the easy way,
To make those things,
Just forever go away.
You hold the gun,
In your shaking hand,
Wondering what went wrong.
Then something bursts inside you-
The light, it’s back.
You drop the gun like a sack.
What were you doing?You could have been killed.
The gun shoots a round,
You run for the hills.
Depression is gone,
Here is another day.
A fresh beginning,
A happy ending.
There’s always a way.
What Should I Write About Most?
About Me
- Sam
- Reindeerville, Kingsland. :D, Australia
- I'm Sam, 15, Grade 10. I picked up the funny little habit of writing stories at about the age of 5; it's developed since, I hope. I love to create my own little world and allow people see into it, it's like showing them a part of my soul, really, although that sounds extremely lame. I think writing is my way of showing people who I really am, and how I'm feeling. I love my blogger family and will be forever grateful having gotten to know them. They're fantastic people. I often voice random things to *try* and make people laugh :] I love to make people smile, it makes me think I do some good. And I have a tendency to ramble.
4 comments:
its been ages!!!!
wow sounds like an intersting night =/
i think you should move into my room, id offer you under the bed but thats a bit taken these days by roxsas, shes the definition of scaredy cat :) but you can lay on the floor, i was laying on the floor today, its actually kinda comfy. so you know keep that in mind (:
have a good night
i love you! xxo
happy green day :)
It has indeed been ages.
I'm sorry your Mum's out drinking. Maybe she needs to unwind. I'm sorry your Dad's shouting. I'm sorry your sister's sobbing.
Beyond all this, I'm most sorry about what this is doing to you. I've got things I want to stay hidden too, and sometimes hiding them is more painful than inflicting them. I'm sorry you've got insomnia, and that you're doing so much cleaning.
I love you.
I hope it gets better.
xxxxxxxx
I can sympathize with the insomnia, believe me.
I'm sorry things seem to be so messed up. My mom almost never drinks, and I've never even seen her drink more then one glass of wine; never beer. And I can sympathize with your sister, too. Sometimes my moms yelling at me like crazy and I'll just sit there sobbing and she ignores it.
And, I've got patterns of cuts up my arms, my legs, my thighs...just now they've multiplied...don't ask. In the summer I wear things that cover my thighs and long shirts, just because when people see them they go, “Oh, what happened to your armmss?” and I'll either lie through my teeth or say nothing at all.
My aunt and mom still believe that I just scratch those during my sleep. My moms lied about them for me. Though, she doesn't know she's fibbing. My aunts only interested because they leave scars and that's her definition of ugly.
Which she shares with me, quite a lot.
And then there's Nigel, who has just come to the conclusion that there's something wrong with me. He's always makin comments about me being “depressed”, and my aunts dissapointment in me.
I don't want it to be ages before you post again.
I don't know what else to say. I can't really do much.
I love you sammy. :)
(Lmao, my image verification thingo says 'packhor'...'packwhore'...made me laugh....I'm so immature, sometmes ;D)
oh sammy. i'm so sorry for everything! i can defently sympathize with the whole mum drinking thing as my mums an alcoholic. honeslty sam, you should have talked to me about it! its good to talk
and btw ARE YOU COMING TO MELBOURNE!? 'cause if yu are we SO have to meeet up!
and i can steal you and then you will be mine :D
yes leeshy is a kidnapper.
xxxx
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