Being followed by rocks. Never heard of that before.
--
Not sure how I feel right now.
These days I constantly remind myself how unimportant I am in comparison to others in the people I care about's lives. I think I'll always be destined to be 3rd best or less in everyone's books. But okay. I can deal with being a 3rd-best friend, 4th, 5th, and so on. I understand.
I'm not so much concerned about that as I am about losing them altogether.
It still scares me so much I can't breathe sometimes.
I can't stand it.
--
Semi-formal was yesterday. At first I thought it'd be awful, I'm incredibly self-loathing at the moment and therefore more uncomfortable being around people. But it turned out to be okay, had some good conversations and then I was kidnapped by Kenji and Lewis and dragged to dance with them :\
It was pretty good though.
When I get photos I'll post them up here.
Afterwards Lewis's step-dad drove me home.
--
Today I got up at 6 and then had an early orthodontist appointment. It sucked. He looked at my xrays, then didn't say a word to me, shoved one of those biting-thingies in my mouth and then cracked the braces off three of my teeth. He cleaned (no, actually, scraped) the glue off them and everything so I had 3 teeth completely free, then before I could even see them, he glued the braces back on in a slightly different place. So my mouth still tastes like orthodontic glue and hurts.
Then I caught 3 buses to Southbank, walked to the cinemas and waited an hour and a half for Caitlyn and Mars to get there. We saw 'The Time Traveller's Wife', it looked horrible at first and then got better, ended up being pretty good. Then we went downstairs and bought tickets to New Moon and went there straight away. Megan met us in the cinema, it was a huge cinema seating about 1000+ people. Then Grace, Liz, Kate, Jess, Danielle and Chante arrived and Grace bothered a few people to move so we could all fit in the row.
It wasn't too bad I suppose, in comparison to Twilight.
Afterwards Caitlyn and I caught the 3 buses home and no one here is speaking to me. Oh well.
--
Still feeling lonely.
I hate it.
I wish I was good enough to be important to them.
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5 comments:
i *did* post about it on the shared blog...i don't have time to go to everyone individually...anyone that's seen it probably got the link from the shared blog.
no, i didn't. there is a reason i went missing for so long and that i deleted my blog. the only contact anyone had with me from here was MSN/facebook, and even that was little. i had stuff to deal with, i'm so sorry that for once I had to come first. and i never said i couldn't be bothered talking to you, you said that yourself. but it's fine, i'm not going to argue with you.
For one, I JUST RECENTLY had time to be on facebook, and post on the community blogs. And I haven't gone on myspace, and I never got any emails from it saying I had comments. Ever. So I had NO IDEA that you'd tried to contact me.
If you're so quick to judge without knowing ANY OF MY REASONS, well. It makes me wonder.
And I haven't said you're not important or anything like that - that's YOU putting words/thoughts/decisions into MY head. I never said you mean little to me - that's YOU judging things through your eyes without knowing any facts.
Yeah, everyone has stuff to deal with. Sometimes things are bigger and need drastic change. I'm SO SORRY I DIDN'T SEND AN ANNUAL MESSAGE.
And also - if you really care that much, why didn't you further your attempts at communication? An actual email? A facebook message? After I deleted my blog, I didn't get any messages from you asking if things were all right. But I see. It's all a one-way street.
if you're just going to have a go at me, go ahead. i'm just not going to bother anymore. clearly everything i'm saying is going over your head.
You are good enough Sammy. Ugh don't you hate orthodonists? They have like these massively giant hands and they're like OPEN YOUR MOUTHS WIDER and you're like mr orthodonist my mouth does open anymore!!!
xx
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