Yelloh.
Hm, it really was a debate between writing this or preparing for the Legal seminar I'm giving tomorrow... but I'm thinking that if I ramble for a while, I may be okay with doing school work throughout the night.
Enough with the boring talk.
I think I'll describe, errr... a few events from the past couple of days.
Tuesday at lunch we were playing Truth or Dare again. That was funny. Ellie asked me, and I said truth (as always-- my friends come up with the worst dares!) and Ellie's question was whether or not I liked Stalker Guy. Of course I replied no, but for revenge, she then picked dare and I told her to climb onto the roof and do the chicken dance and sing at the top of her lungs. Ha, that was hilarious. But then it was Missy's turn and she asked Lewis (this guy that hangs out with us), hypothetically(sp?), if he didn't have a girlfriend, who out of the group would he go out with? ...His girlfriend wasn't there, of course. For a while he avoided the question, and Missy and I kept bugging him about it, and then he goes, "UGH. Sam, okay? SHUT UP." And then Missy started laughing and I'm like, "Shush!" and when he walked away I started swearing and walking around in circles with my head in my hands. And now, every time I sign in on MSN he'll talk--seriously, he rambles--so so so much, he just doesn't shut up! So he is officially my fourth stalker person, because now he talks to me relentlessly at school as well. Everywhere I look, honestly, he's there. And at lunch, instead of sitting by his girlfriend, he'll sit next to me.
In History, Stalker Guy and I were talking about pasta sauces (I don't know!) and he goes, "What's that one that starts with 'm'?" And I'm like, "Carbonara?" And he yells, "YES!"
Then we both realised what we just said and cracked up. And then he said, "I was thinking of machete." I raised an eyebrow and went, "A machete is a knife, isn't it?"
xD
And he keeps drawing skeleton pictures on my hand. It's random.
On Wednesday I saw him again in the Activities Centre when we were choosing new sports, and this is the conversation Ellie and I had.
Me: *Waves at Stalker Guy*
Ellie: He so likes you.
Me: Does not.
Ellie: Yahuh.
Me: Nooooooooooooooo.
Ellie: How do you explain all the waving and hugging and yelling names?
Me: He does that to everyone! He's overly friendly. That's all.
Ellie: Yeah, but you guys have something... special.
Me: NO! NO! Don't say that! Ick!
Ellie: Whatever you say.
:l Lol.
But Ellie thinks that every guy that talks to me likes me, cause the other day, after I had a conversation with Josh, she was like, "You guys would make a cute couple."
I will slap you, girl!
Today in Maths Simone wasn't here (vowing revenge) so Stalker Guy (yes, I know, I'm talking about him too much-- it means nothing) sat next to me and we were playing magic card games throughout the lesson, ha. And he also texted me. :S And hugged me. Like, three times.
Lalalalalalala. Convinced that he doesn't like me. BEING OBLIVIOUS. He's just a flirty kind of guy! He likes talking to girls. And hugging them. And... argh. I've run out of excuses.
At lunch I randomly got extremely depressed and walked away from the group. And I spent the rest of lunch around the side of Q Block by myself, thinking. When creepy eyes girl found me I'd stopped crying so it was okay... Anyways, Ellie was totally freaking out on the bus this arvo, convinced that I was suicidal, etc. Convinced that I hated her. Urgh.
And my Science teacher has started winking at me. It's creepy, cause he's like sixty years old.
And I took a heap of videos of
*Conversations with Stalker Guy
*Conversations with my friends
*Our truth or dare game, when Chris climbed onto the roof
*Simone being one of those documenters with the English accent
*My bird eating mashed potato(!)
*Ellie being weird
*...And, umm... I forget the rest.
So if you guys wanna see any of these... just say so.
And I've got heaps of photos, too. :D Can't be bothered to upload them right now! But I've got heaps!
K is still emailing me.
My dad wants me to see a psychiatrist to get diagnosed with depression.
I got another cancer needle the other day.
I'm showing people Milo, Ruby and Jellybean over webcam! It's often quite cute, so talk to me! :]
New Stalker Guy's learners got taken off him the other day for speeding and driving alone.
May is still acting like we're best buddies.
It was creepy eyes girl's 16th on Monday. I am invited to her party in three weeks. May will be there.
I love writing fanfiction.
Peace. Love you guys.
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BEWARE OF THE KAMIKAZE BUTTERDRAGONSPIDERFLIES :D
Other places.
Following... people?
Hehehe!
Janitor: You seem unhappy. I like that.
Dr Cox: Oh, my God; I care so little, I almost passed out.
Dr Kelso: Ahh! I want you to kill the giant bat that's been living in my attic!
Turk: You keep Enid in the attic?
Janitor: Okay, hotshot, what would you use to get a coffee stain up off a tile floor?
JD: I don't know... the rough side of a sponge? [silence]
Janitor: Dammit.
Dr Cox: Let me introduce you to, A Man Who Doesn't Care.
JD: [thinking] Maybe I was being unfair to Turk. Maybe it's too much to expect a friend to just sense that you're upset and wanna talk about it...
Elliot: [when JD walks by Elliot and Carla] Carla, I can sense you're upset, talk to me!
JD: [looks confused, then continues walking and thinks] OK, but Turk is a prideful guy and it's hard for prideful guys to admit when they've been insensitive…
Dr Cox: [when JD walks by Dr. Cox and Jordan] Listen, Jordan, I've been incredibly insensitive...
JD: [looking back to the hallway, thinking] Touché, magic hallway!
JD: A drunk clown hurt me once.
JD: Why don't I ever listen to me?
Ted: And you know what else? I quit!
Dr Kelso: No you don't!
Ted: Well, I'm leaving early today!
Dr Kelso: No, you're not! You're coming back to my office to do busy work!
Ted: Fine, but I'm getting a soda first!
Dr Kelso: Whatever.
Turk: Laverne, I wrote the guest list for this conversation, and just in case, if you're wondering, you're not on it!
Carla: Please! What about all the women you've slept with? Your ex-wife, that med student, your ex-wife, the cute nurse from radiology, your ex-wife...
Dr Cox: Would you please get off my ex-wife?
Carla: I will if you will.
[Cox breaks down laughing]
Dr Cox: Well... dammit! Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.
Elliot: [In french] Do you speak french?
Turk: You know, I did learn a little when my high school class went to France, but that was just stuff to pick up chicks.
Elliot: [French] I really think it would make Tyler feel better if he could watch, ok?
[Turk is lost]
Turk: [Bad French] I have... an... Eiffel Tower... in my pants.
Elliot: What?
Turk: [Bad French] Grapefruit!
Dr Cox: They hate you, Bob. They hate from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. They hate you. By God, they hate you good.
Dr Kelso: [threateningly, to Nurse Roberts, who is chuckling] What’s so funny?
Nurse Roberts: Oh, just the hooves and pitchfork part.
[much more threateningly]
Nurse Roberts: Why?
Dr Kelso: [Frightened] Uh, no reason.
[Elliot keeps talking at a patient with a wired jaw]
Nurse: Did somebody here buzz for a nurse?
Elliot: No.
Nurse: [Looking at the patient] It looks like his eyes are screaming...
Dr Cox: Yo, girl's name!
JD: What?
Dr Cox: Gimme a break, Ellen, I got a lot on my mind, and look at that, I bounced back.
Dr Kelso: [on phone in his office] Yes, Enid, I hear Baxter growling, but the fact is, you ventured into his side of the house!
[listens, smiling]
Dr Kelso: Baring his teeth, huh?... OK, now here's whatcha do... Are you ready?
[pauses, smiling]
Dr Kelso: Make a sudden move!
[barks, growls and screams are heard from the phone. Kelso hangs up, chuckling]
Dr Kelso: Ahh, those two.
[JD asks Dr Kelso to tell him a story of when he was an intern]
Dr Kelso: Oh, what the hell. Back in '68… I don't like you. The end.
Cox’s Shrink: You mean to tell me that you actually took the advice of another human being? This is a big moment for me.
Dr Cox: Yuh-huh.
Cox’s Shrink: Well, by God, Perry, if there is a person in that hell-hole of a hospital that can give you advice, keep that person around you for as long as possible. Because, that person is nothing short… of a genius.
[Cut to J.D in an elevator, singing and dancing]
JD: Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting!
[pause]
JD: Those kicks were fast as lightning!
Carla: Well?
Dr Cox: I'm sorry, would you please repeat the question?
Carla: Are you just gonna roll over like that?
Jordan: That's weird, I asked him the same thing last night.
Carla: Where's the outrage? The anger? The hate?
Jordan: Again, last night!
Carla: You've gone soft.
Jordan: [Gasps] Okay, now it's getting spooky.
Elliot: Frick on a stick with a brick!
Dr Cox: Shower shorts, newbie?
JD: For the man who has nothing to hide… but still wants to.
Paul: Sometimes it feels like you're holding back.
Elliot: Of course I'm holding back, I'm insane, you idiot. Remember the other day when you told me I had pit-stains? Well I have cried every fifteen minutes on the half-hour since you told me that. I am racked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks, I'm claustrophobic, germ-phobic, phobia-phobic. I talk to myself, I talk to my cats, I talk to three separate shrinks about the fact that often my cats respond to me in my mother's voice and, yesterday, when that stupid, pretty surgical nurse handed you a pair of latex gloves I almost killed the guy who's leg I was stitching up because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex on a box of steaks. Why a box of steaks? 'Cos my Dad had an affair with a female butcher and, as I mentioned before, I am insane. There, I opened up, are you happy?
[to toddler Jack, at his parent's wedding-like divorce ceremony] Carla: You have no chance of being normal.
JD: [thinking] Just tell him how you feel without sounding like a girl for once.
[to Turk] JD: I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.
[J.D. faces a burnt-faced Dr. Kelso, who has just had hot coffee splashed on his face]
JD: [Thinking] Oh my God, do not say splotchy.
JD: Good splotchy, Dr Splotchy.
JD:[to himself, as Dr. Cox stands next to him at a urinal] Okay, just act natural. (out loud) Hey, Dr. Cox. Takin' a whiz?
JD: You're an actor.
Janitor: You're a fireman... What are we doing?
Dr Cox: No matter where you go in life, always keep an eye out for Johnny, the tackling Alzheimer's patient.
JD: What's that supposed to mean?!
Patient: [Tackling J.D. from out of nowhere, shouting] Who am I?
[Turk shows his new interns the patient list]
Turk: This guy needs brain work, this guy needs a heart...
JD: This one needs courage.
Turk: Helping or hurting, JD? Helping or hurting?
Janitor: I liked the way blond-hair-doctor looked. She brightened my day. But you don't care about that, do you? No... because you're unconscious.
Ted: [shouting on the phone] You want to quit? Then quit! But you, sir, are a worthless peon and you will *always* be a worthless peon!
[hangs up]
Ted: Sir, you know my band, The Worthless Peons? Well, Chris from Shipping & Receiving wants to go solo! If we lose him, we'll lose our sex appeal. He's the only one with hair! What do you think I should do?
Dr Kelso: Ted, you know my rule about personal problems - I'm not interested unless it involves my loved ones. Or possibly my wife.
[hands Ted a file]
Dr Kelso: Do lawyer stuff to that.
[about Dr. Cox]
Dr Kelso: And I'll be damned if he doesn't disagree with everything I say just because I said it.
JD: Sir, I don't think that's true.
[Kelso turns around to face Dr Cox, who is on the other side of the room]
Dr Kelso: It's hotter than hell in here, Perry!
Dr Cox: Freezing!
Dr Kelso: Great coffee, though!
Dr Cox: Rat piss!
Dr Kelso: Dr. Murphy here is an incompetent suck-up!
Dr Cox: No, Bob, in fact he's one of the finest young doctors I ever had the good fortune of working with.
Dr Kelso: [to J.D] Your witness.
[a woman with her son comes over to Dr. Cox and Jordan and starts talking to their son, Jack]
Woman: Hi, cutie! Since you have so many balls, and too many toys can be overstimulating for an infant, Brantley here was wondering if he could borrow one to play with.
Dr Cox: Oh, that's funny, because Jack here was just wondering why the crazy lady who just spent the last hour chain-smoking and talking on her cell phone while her kid ate sand, would come over to two complete strangers and give them parenting advice.
Jordan: Oh, he also thanked me for not naming him Brantley.
Dr Cox: Yeah.
JD: [voiceover] I knew Dr. Casey now pretty well, everyday, he goes to his first patient's room and touches every single thing in there...
Dr Casey: [touching things] Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink...
Dr Kelso: Dr. Casey, your patients are complaining about a noise in your wing.
Dr Casey: [pokes Dr. Kelso on the nose] Bink.
Dr Kelso: Dr. CASEY! Your patients!
Dr Casey: If the noise is bink then I can explain...
Dr Kelso: IT'S NOT BINK!
Elliot: Thanks again for helping me look for Carla.
Janitor: No problem. I'll check the dumpster.
Elliot: ...We're not looking for *dead* Carla.
Janitor: Atta girl. You stay optimistic.
Dr Kelso: [drunk at Turk and Carlas wedding reception] Ahh, Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr Kelso: That's your first name!
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?
Dr Kelso: [to Carla] ... and Mrs. Turkleton! The Turkletons! Hehehe...
[to bartender]
Dr Kelso: Gimme a scotch.
Carla: Dr Cox... why is your mouth red?
Dr Cox: Duct tape, two hours in a morgue drawer, don't piss off the janitor. End of story.
JD: [butting in] will there be a piñata? Because I need to know if I should bring my piñata helmet.
Jordan: Up-up-bah! The only reason we invited you is because for *some* reason, you have your own Spongebob Squarepants costume!
JD: It was a gift!
[voice-over]
JD: From me, to me!
Dr Cox: [explaining he doesn't care it's JD's last week of residency] I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week. Let's see... low carb diets, Michael Moore, the Republican National Convention, Kabbalah & all Kabbalah-related products, Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hotspots, the OC, the UN, recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys, Jeff- that Wiggle that sleeps too darn much, the Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything every-everything that exists past, present & future, in discovered and undiscovered dimensions!
[turns away, then turns back]
Dr Cox: Oh, and Hugh Jackman.
JD: Hugh Jackman is Wolverine! How dare he!
JD: [Driving circles around The Janitor] Ring around the janitor, pocket full of...
Janitor: Pocket full of what.
JD: ZANitor.
Janitor: That's not a word.
JD: Oh, Mrs. Grodberg, JZILBEK is not a word.
Mrs Grodberg: But I'm still beating you...
JD: Well, I'm just glad your surgery went okay and you still have your A game. I don't really care who wins.
JD: [thinks] Half a brain, dammit!
[discussing an argument between Elliot and Alex, an attractive social worker J.D. is dating]
Turk: So, who'd you side with?
JD: Neither; I just pretended I was paged, and then when they said they didn't hear anything, I called them both liars and ran away.
Turk: Smooth.
Dr Kelso: Perry, what's our plan of attack?
Dr Cox: When I crush a person's spirit, I like to use a combination of intimidation and degradation.
Dr Kelso: I prefer to create an environment in which the subjects end up crushing themselves.
Dr Cox: [intrigued] Uh-huh.
Janitor: [while JD is coming up behind the Janitor] I like to pick one person and torment them relentlessly for no reason. If I could find them, I'd show you.
[JD sneaks away while ominous music plays]
Janitor: He's near...
Dr Cox: I... I'm sorry. Um... crazy person says what?
Jordan: [angry] What?!
Dr Cox: Atta girl.
Dr Cox: Oh, my God! I… I’m gagging and vomiting at the same time! … I’m… I’m gavomiting!
JD: Oh my God, the janitor's afraid of Carla! How can I use this to my advantage?
[Cut to a fantasy where Carla is confronting the janitor]
Carla: Listen, I want you to lay off J.D.! Stop accusing him of things he didn't do. And bring him a fruit smoothie every day!
Janitor: [In Spanish] Would he like strawberry or banana?
Carla: [In Spanish] ... Purple tree car with cheese.
Janitor: [In Spanish] LIAR!
[He removes her mask, revealing J.D]
JD: Feliz Navidad...
[He retreats. Cut back to reality]
JD: I'd have to learn Spanish.
[Carla's assisting Turk in surgery]
Turk: Scalpel.
Carla: Scalpel what?
Turk: Scalpel, please.
Carla: Here you go, baby. Sorry: Dr. Baby.
[She giggles. Dr. Wen interrupts]
Dr Wen: [to Turk] Shall we proceed, Dr. Baby?
Dr Cox: I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it.
[Later…]
Dr Cox: By the by, this moment is so great that I would cheat on that other moment from before with it, marry it, and raise a family of tiny little moments.
Dr Kelso: I got you a present for your trip to Mexico. It's my old Spanish to English dictionary. I don't need it anymore, I've mastered the language.
Dr Clock: Gracias, Señor.
Dr Kelso: You're welcomo.
Dr Cox: I went ahead and took the liberty of making you five Man Cards. Hold them very dear, because every time you drop the ball, man-wise, I'm going to take one from you.
JD: I don't need your approval, or your stupid Man Cards! Although the lettering is darling. Have you ever done calligraphy?
Dr Cox: [snatching one of the cards] Thank you.
JD: Dammit!
Dr Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and give you back one of these Man Cards. You deserve it.
JD: Wow... Wanna hug?
Dr Cox: [taking the card back] You held on to it as long as you could, didn't you?
[Turk is using an endoscope to find a hernia inside a patient]
Bonnie: We're so lost.
Turk: We're not lost.
Bonnie: Go left, here.
Turk: It's a right.
Bonnie: You passed his Cooper's ligament three times already. Just stop and ask for directions!
Turk: Do you want to drive this thing? 'Cause I will pull - I will pull this thing over and let you drive this thing!
Dr Cox: Honestly, I haven't been this happy since Christmas when I was seven years old and my father showed me how to make a snow angel. Actually, he was passed out drunk in the yard... But I did take his arms and his legs and move them back and forth... And... th-the paramedics said it was one of the finest snow angels that they'd ever seen. So, maybe the fact that I am the kinder, gentler Cox is every last bit of okay. Maybe it's a... a natural progression. It's not like there's any real ramifications... [laughs]
Dr Cox: ... right?
Dr Cox: Oh, my God; I care so little, I almost passed out.
Dr Kelso: Ahh! I want you to kill the giant bat that's been living in my attic!
Turk: You keep Enid in the attic?
Janitor: Okay, hotshot, what would you use to get a coffee stain up off a tile floor?
JD: I don't know... the rough side of a sponge? [silence]
Janitor: Dammit.
Dr Cox: Let me introduce you to, A Man Who Doesn't Care.
JD: [thinking] Maybe I was being unfair to Turk. Maybe it's too much to expect a friend to just sense that you're upset and wanna talk about it...
Elliot: [when JD walks by Elliot and Carla] Carla, I can sense you're upset, talk to me!
JD: [looks confused, then continues walking and thinks] OK, but Turk is a prideful guy and it's hard for prideful guys to admit when they've been insensitive…
Dr Cox: [when JD walks by Dr. Cox and Jordan] Listen, Jordan, I've been incredibly insensitive...
JD: [looking back to the hallway, thinking] Touché, magic hallway!
JD: A drunk clown hurt me once.
JD: Why don't I ever listen to me?
Ted: And you know what else? I quit!
Dr Kelso: No you don't!
Ted: Well, I'm leaving early today!
Dr Kelso: No, you're not! You're coming back to my office to do busy work!
Ted: Fine, but I'm getting a soda first!
Dr Kelso: Whatever.
Turk: Laverne, I wrote the guest list for this conversation, and just in case, if you're wondering, you're not on it!
Carla: Please! What about all the women you've slept with? Your ex-wife, that med student, your ex-wife, the cute nurse from radiology, your ex-wife...
Dr Cox: Would you please get off my ex-wife?
Carla: I will if you will.
[Cox breaks down laughing]
Dr Cox: Well... dammit! Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.
Elliot: [In french] Do you speak french?
Turk: You know, I did learn a little when my high school class went to France, but that was just stuff to pick up chicks.
Elliot: [French] I really think it would make Tyler feel better if he could watch, ok?
[Turk is lost]
Turk: [Bad French] I have... an... Eiffel Tower... in my pants.
Elliot: What?
Turk: [Bad French] Grapefruit!
Dr Cox: They hate you, Bob. They hate from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. They hate you. By God, they hate you good.
Dr Kelso: [threateningly, to Nurse Roberts, who is chuckling] What’s so funny?
Nurse Roberts: Oh, just the hooves and pitchfork part.
[much more threateningly]
Nurse Roberts: Why?
Dr Kelso: [Frightened] Uh, no reason.
[Elliot keeps talking at a patient with a wired jaw]
Nurse: Did somebody here buzz for a nurse?
Elliot: No.
Nurse: [Looking at the patient] It looks like his eyes are screaming...
Dr Cox: Yo, girl's name!
JD: What?
Dr Cox: Gimme a break, Ellen, I got a lot on my mind, and look at that, I bounced back.
Dr Kelso: [on phone in his office] Yes, Enid, I hear Baxter growling, but the fact is, you ventured into his side of the house!
[listens, smiling]
Dr Kelso: Baring his teeth, huh?... OK, now here's whatcha do... Are you ready?
[pauses, smiling]
Dr Kelso: Make a sudden move!
[barks, growls and screams are heard from the phone. Kelso hangs up, chuckling]
Dr Kelso: Ahh, those two.
[JD asks Dr Kelso to tell him a story of when he was an intern]
Dr Kelso: Oh, what the hell. Back in '68… I don't like you. The end.
Cox’s Shrink: You mean to tell me that you actually took the advice of another human being? This is a big moment for me.
Dr Cox: Yuh-huh.
Cox’s Shrink: Well, by God, Perry, if there is a person in that hell-hole of a hospital that can give you advice, keep that person around you for as long as possible. Because, that person is nothing short… of a genius.
[Cut to J.D in an elevator, singing and dancing]
JD: Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting!
[pause]
JD: Those kicks were fast as lightning!
Carla: Well?
Dr Cox: I'm sorry, would you please repeat the question?
Carla: Are you just gonna roll over like that?
Jordan: That's weird, I asked him the same thing last night.
Carla: Where's the outrage? The anger? The hate?
Jordan: Again, last night!
Carla: You've gone soft.
Jordan: [Gasps] Okay, now it's getting spooky.
Elliot: Frick on a stick with a brick!
Dr Cox: Shower shorts, newbie?
JD: For the man who has nothing to hide… but still wants to.
Paul: Sometimes it feels like you're holding back.
Elliot: Of course I'm holding back, I'm insane, you idiot. Remember the other day when you told me I had pit-stains? Well I have cried every fifteen minutes on the half-hour since you told me that. I am racked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks, I'm claustrophobic, germ-phobic, phobia-phobic. I talk to myself, I talk to my cats, I talk to three separate shrinks about the fact that often my cats respond to me in my mother's voice and, yesterday, when that stupid, pretty surgical nurse handed you a pair of latex gloves I almost killed the guy who's leg I was stitching up because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex on a box of steaks. Why a box of steaks? 'Cos my Dad had an affair with a female butcher and, as I mentioned before, I am insane. There, I opened up, are you happy?
[to toddler Jack, at his parent's wedding-like divorce ceremony] Carla: You have no chance of being normal.
JD: [thinking] Just tell him how you feel without sounding like a girl for once.
[to Turk] JD: I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.
[J.D. faces a burnt-faced Dr. Kelso, who has just had hot coffee splashed on his face]
JD: [Thinking] Oh my God, do not say splotchy.
JD: Good splotchy, Dr Splotchy.
JD:[to himself, as Dr. Cox stands next to him at a urinal] Okay, just act natural. (out loud) Hey, Dr. Cox. Takin' a whiz?
JD: You're an actor.
Janitor: You're a fireman... What are we doing?
Dr Cox: No matter where you go in life, always keep an eye out for Johnny, the tackling Alzheimer's patient.
JD: What's that supposed to mean?!
Patient: [Tackling J.D. from out of nowhere, shouting] Who am I?
[Turk shows his new interns the patient list]
Turk: This guy needs brain work, this guy needs a heart...
JD: This one needs courage.
Turk: Helping or hurting, JD? Helping or hurting?
Janitor: I liked the way blond-hair-doctor looked. She brightened my day. But you don't care about that, do you? No... because you're unconscious.
Ted: [shouting on the phone] You want to quit? Then quit! But you, sir, are a worthless peon and you will *always* be a worthless peon!
[hangs up]
Ted: Sir, you know my band, The Worthless Peons? Well, Chris from Shipping & Receiving wants to go solo! If we lose him, we'll lose our sex appeal. He's the only one with hair! What do you think I should do?
Dr Kelso: Ted, you know my rule about personal problems - I'm not interested unless it involves my loved ones. Or possibly my wife.
[hands Ted a file]
Dr Kelso: Do lawyer stuff to that.
[about Dr. Cox]
Dr Kelso: And I'll be damned if he doesn't disagree with everything I say just because I said it.
JD: Sir, I don't think that's true.
[Kelso turns around to face Dr Cox, who is on the other side of the room]
Dr Kelso: It's hotter than hell in here, Perry!
Dr Cox: Freezing!
Dr Kelso: Great coffee, though!
Dr Cox: Rat piss!
Dr Kelso: Dr. Murphy here is an incompetent suck-up!
Dr Cox: No, Bob, in fact he's one of the finest young doctors I ever had the good fortune of working with.
Dr Kelso: [to J.D] Your witness.
[a woman with her son comes over to Dr. Cox and Jordan and starts talking to their son, Jack]
Woman: Hi, cutie! Since you have so many balls, and too many toys can be overstimulating for an infant, Brantley here was wondering if he could borrow one to play with.
Dr Cox: Oh, that's funny, because Jack here was just wondering why the crazy lady who just spent the last hour chain-smoking and talking on her cell phone while her kid ate sand, would come over to two complete strangers and give them parenting advice.
Jordan: Oh, he also thanked me for not naming him Brantley.
Dr Cox: Yeah.
JD: [voiceover] I knew Dr. Casey now pretty well, everyday, he goes to his first patient's room and touches every single thing in there...
Dr Casey: [touching things] Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink...
Dr Kelso: Dr. Casey, your patients are complaining about a noise in your wing.
Dr Casey: [pokes Dr. Kelso on the nose] Bink.
Dr Kelso: Dr. CASEY! Your patients!
Dr Casey: If the noise is bink then I can explain...
Dr Kelso: IT'S NOT BINK!
Elliot: Thanks again for helping me look for Carla.
Janitor: No problem. I'll check the dumpster.
Elliot: ...We're not looking for *dead* Carla.
Janitor: Atta girl. You stay optimistic.
Dr Kelso: [drunk at Turk and Carlas wedding reception] Ahh, Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr Kelso: That's your first name!
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?
Dr Kelso: [to Carla] ... and Mrs. Turkleton! The Turkletons! Hehehe...
[to bartender]
Dr Kelso: Gimme a scotch.
Carla: Dr Cox... why is your mouth red?
Dr Cox: Duct tape, two hours in a morgue drawer, don't piss off the janitor. End of story.
JD: [butting in] will there be a piñata? Because I need to know if I should bring my piñata helmet.
Jordan: Up-up-bah! The only reason we invited you is because for *some* reason, you have your own Spongebob Squarepants costume!
JD: It was a gift!
[voice-over]
JD: From me, to me!
Dr Cox: [explaining he doesn't care it's JD's last week of residency] I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week. Let's see... low carb diets, Michael Moore, the Republican National Convention, Kabbalah & all Kabbalah-related products, Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hotspots, the OC, the UN, recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys, Jeff- that Wiggle that sleeps too darn much, the Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything every-everything that exists past, present & future, in discovered and undiscovered dimensions!
[turns away, then turns back]
Dr Cox: Oh, and Hugh Jackman.
JD: Hugh Jackman is Wolverine! How dare he!
JD: [Driving circles around The Janitor] Ring around the janitor, pocket full of...
Janitor: Pocket full of what.
JD: ZANitor.
Janitor: That's not a word.
JD: Oh, Mrs. Grodberg, JZILBEK is not a word.
Mrs Grodberg: But I'm still beating you...
JD: Well, I'm just glad your surgery went okay and you still have your A game. I don't really care who wins.
JD: [thinks] Half a brain, dammit!
[discussing an argument between Elliot and Alex, an attractive social worker J.D. is dating]
Turk: So, who'd you side with?
JD: Neither; I just pretended I was paged, and then when they said they didn't hear anything, I called them both liars and ran away.
Turk: Smooth.
Dr Kelso: Perry, what's our plan of attack?
Dr Cox: When I crush a person's spirit, I like to use a combination of intimidation and degradation.
Dr Kelso: I prefer to create an environment in which the subjects end up crushing themselves.
Dr Cox: [intrigued] Uh-huh.
Janitor: [while JD is coming up behind the Janitor] I like to pick one person and torment them relentlessly for no reason. If I could find them, I'd show you.
[JD sneaks away while ominous music plays]
Janitor: He's near...
Dr Cox: I... I'm sorry. Um... crazy person says what?
Jordan: [angry] What?!
Dr Cox: Atta girl.
Dr Cox: Oh, my God! I… I’m gagging and vomiting at the same time! … I’m… I’m gavomiting!
JD: Oh my God, the janitor's afraid of Carla! How can I use this to my advantage?
[Cut to a fantasy where Carla is confronting the janitor]
Carla: Listen, I want you to lay off J.D.! Stop accusing him of things he didn't do. And bring him a fruit smoothie every day!
Janitor: [In Spanish] Would he like strawberry or banana?
Carla: [In Spanish] ... Purple tree car with cheese.
Janitor: [In Spanish] LIAR!
[He removes her mask, revealing J.D]
JD: Feliz Navidad...
[He retreats. Cut back to reality]
JD: I'd have to learn Spanish.
[Carla's assisting Turk in surgery]
Turk: Scalpel.
Carla: Scalpel what?
Turk: Scalpel, please.
Carla: Here you go, baby. Sorry: Dr. Baby.
[She giggles. Dr. Wen interrupts]
Dr Wen: [to Turk] Shall we proceed, Dr. Baby?
Dr Cox: I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it.
[Later…]
Dr Cox: By the by, this moment is so great that I would cheat on that other moment from before with it, marry it, and raise a family of tiny little moments.
Dr Kelso: I got you a present for your trip to Mexico. It's my old Spanish to English dictionary. I don't need it anymore, I've mastered the language.
Dr Clock: Gracias, Señor.
Dr Kelso: You're welcomo.
Dr Cox: I went ahead and took the liberty of making you five Man Cards. Hold them very dear, because every time you drop the ball, man-wise, I'm going to take one from you.
JD: I don't need your approval, or your stupid Man Cards! Although the lettering is darling. Have you ever done calligraphy?
Dr Cox: [snatching one of the cards] Thank you.
JD: Dammit!
Dr Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and give you back one of these Man Cards. You deserve it.
JD: Wow... Wanna hug?
Dr Cox: [taking the card back] You held on to it as long as you could, didn't you?
[Turk is using an endoscope to find a hernia inside a patient]
Bonnie: We're so lost.
Turk: We're not lost.
Bonnie: Go left, here.
Turk: It's a right.
Bonnie: You passed his Cooper's ligament three times already. Just stop and ask for directions!
Turk: Do you want to drive this thing? 'Cause I will pull - I will pull this thing over and let you drive this thing!
Dr Cox: Honestly, I haven't been this happy since Christmas when I was seven years old and my father showed me how to make a snow angel. Actually, he was passed out drunk in the yard... But I did take his arms and his legs and move them back and forth... And... th-the paramedics said it was one of the finest snow angels that they'd ever seen. So, maybe the fact that I am the kinder, gentler Cox is every last bit of okay. Maybe it's a... a natural progression. It's not like there's any real ramifications... [laughs]
Dr Cox: ... right?
My Beauful Dog, ;]
"This is an intervention.... and birthday party! Happy birthday!... You have a problem."
Depression is like…
When the happiness inside you,
Becomes a flickering light.
Sometimes you’re happy,
But mostly upset,
And if things don’t get better,
That flame becomes dead.
Everything feels,
As if nothing is worth it,
And nothing feels,
That it still lies unbroken.
Inside you’re just dead,
Outside you’re plain scared,
Wondering if your life
Could ever be spared.
You’re capable of anything:
Suicide seems the easy way,
To make those things,
Just forever go away.
You hold the gun,
In your shaking hand,
Wondering what went wrong.
Then something bursts inside you-
The light, it’s back.
You drop the gun like a sack.
What were you doing?You could have been killed.
The gun shoots a round,
You run for the hills.
Depression is gone,
Here is another day.
A fresh beginning,
A happy ending.
There’s always a way.
When the happiness inside you,
Becomes a flickering light.
Sometimes you’re happy,
But mostly upset,
And if things don’t get better,
That flame becomes dead.
Everything feels,
As if nothing is worth it,
And nothing feels,
That it still lies unbroken.
Inside you’re just dead,
Outside you’re plain scared,
Wondering if your life
Could ever be spared.
You’re capable of anything:
Suicide seems the easy way,
To make those things,
Just forever go away.
You hold the gun,
In your shaking hand,
Wondering what went wrong.
Then something bursts inside you-
The light, it’s back.
You drop the gun like a sack.
What were you doing?You could have been killed.
The gun shoots a round,
You run for the hills.
Depression is gone,
Here is another day.
A fresh beginning,
A happy ending.
There’s always a way.
What Should I Write About Most?
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About Me
- Sam
- Reindeerville, Kingsland. :D, Australia
- I'm Sam, 15, Grade 10. I picked up the funny little habit of writing stories at about the age of 5; it's developed since, I hope. I love to create my own little world and allow people see into it, it's like showing them a part of my soul, really, although that sounds extremely lame. I think writing is my way of showing people who I really am, and how I'm feeling. I love my blogger family and will be forever grateful having gotten to know them. They're fantastic people. I often voice random things to *try* and make people laugh :] I love to make people smile, it makes me think I do some good. And I have a tendency to ramble.
2 comments:
It's high time that I started reading your blog (I'm terribly guilty!) so that is what I shall do!
Woo, another stalker guy - girl you've got them coming at you from every direction! I do believe machetes are knifes. "I will slap you, girl!" Haaa, Sam I love you! & MEANS NOTHING! Just admit you've got a little soft spot for him! I can tell, and I've only read this post!
I'm going to read back on posts and FIND OUT WHO THIS K IS!
I'm assuming Milo etc are pets? :S
&Who doesn't love fan fiction?
xxxx
Hi, I is back. And I have a promise/slight threat to fulfill. Here we go. Fulfilling process initialized.
Daaaarrrrliiiingggg!!! I've missed you sooo! I love you, I love you, I love you! I am self-proclaimed Stalker Chick # 5. Wheeeee! Oh, and don't even wonder if it's a friends way, I mean duhhhh.
Eheh, I'm hyper. Very very hyper. I have a feeling this is gonna be one of 'em extra long comments. I wonder if you guys read 'em all the way... Ehehehe, it doesn't matter, the process is fun.
Truth or dare...those are so much fun to play when guys are around hihihihihihi. Ahah, I agree with Nia, btw. I think that "no" was not completely honest, and I bet f we had had one of 'em truth machine pulse feeling thingies we would have seen that you were, in fact, LYING!!! Ehehehehehee.
Poor Stalker Guy #4's girlfriend, her boyfriend is hopelessly in love with another girl and she don't know it. Ehehehhe okay maybe not that much, but the fact is his feelings are not to just her, as they should be. Tsk tsk.
Ahahahahaha, Carbonara and Machete... Eheh, yeah it is, one of 'em huge ones like for butchers or something... yeah, those. Ahahahaha don't try and slap Ellie, I have a feeling she's retaliate even harder. Oh, and she looks strong. Yessiree, better not mess with the Ellie.
Denial. Five letter word, potential-relationship destroyer. Is Stalker Guy cute? I mean, he doesn't have to be like Josh with the Miller Light six-pack and all. But, think about it, if he's sorta cute and he makes you laugh and smile and you /just can't seem to stop/ talking about him...ehehehehehe you see where this is going?
Hmm, I bet Ellie's stupid hunches didn't help with the depression, and I have an idea. Don't refer to your sad periods as depressions. That's stupid. I bet it's wrong and in some Psychology book somewhee out there it says the exact same thing I just said in italics, bold, and underlined. Instead, refer to them as... hmm... non-happy moments. That way you'll shift the focus to happy moments. Wheeeee!! I should get paid for this.
All videos and pictures- up. Now! NOW!
Maaaannnn, why do you have to write fanfiction for a book I haven't read yet? Not cool. I is sad.
Eheh, I'm done commenting.
BYE.
PF.
P.S. Have you noticed how commenting you and hyperness are always connected? I just did. Heheh.
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