Things seem so much easier now that I've made a decision.
I'm not needed.
People say they care but they'll get over it with time - not much time, even. I'm not the kind of person that's usually missed.
Right now I face four options.
Option 1: Go along with Mum to hospital on Sunday, get checked in and left there. I doubt she'll come back for me.
Option 2: Refuse to go, and get sent away to some strange school where I'll live with people I don't know.
Option 3: See if I'm lucky and possibly stay here and live in misery until I can afford to move out.
Option 4: My option. My choice, my decision.
I need to be able to control my life in some way.
It's a lot easier now because there are less people that care.
People still care but as I said, they'll move on.
I see fewer and fewer reasons to stay with every day I wake up to.
Fewer and fewer people who notice.
More people I hurt, more people to miss,
And so much less I can do about it.
There's a lot more happening than what I tell people.
Everyone, really.
I don't mean to keep it from them, but why bother them any more than I already have? It's not like it will help them or myself by burdening people.
What good do I do, anyway?
Nothing.
I'm just self-centred and annoying and shallow-minded and a whole bunch of other equally attractive attributes.
I'm glad I didn't speak to many people tonight.
Because I'm also very weak-minded.
I'm shutting off all communication.
Phone, off.
Computer, off.
No discussion.
They're not going to talk me out of this.
I love them so much but I have to do this.
How disappointing.
I know so many strong people
So many people who have gone through worse and still smile and keep going.
How sad that I'm too weak to cope with this.
It disappoints me.
But that's life I guess.
Still yet to decide when Option 4 will happen.
Before Sunday I suppose.
Tuesday's the 2nd anniversary of this blog.
Was nice while it lasted.
I really hope this happens.
I wouldn't stand being in hospital.
Or being homeless afterwards - being alive and alone and having known friendship and happiness and knowing what I've lost, that I deserve what I've lost and that I'll never get it back.
I can't face that.
I'm too weak, too selfish, too hurtful.
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Hehehe!
Janitor: You seem unhappy. I like that.
Dr Cox: Oh, my God; I care so little, I almost passed out.
Dr Kelso: Ahh! I want you to kill the giant bat that's been living in my attic!
Turk: You keep Enid in the attic?
Janitor: Okay, hotshot, what would you use to get a coffee stain up off a tile floor?
JD: I don't know... the rough side of a sponge? [silence]
Janitor: Dammit.
Dr Cox: Let me introduce you to, A Man Who Doesn't Care.
JD: [thinking] Maybe I was being unfair to Turk. Maybe it's too much to expect a friend to just sense that you're upset and wanna talk about it...
Elliot: [when JD walks by Elliot and Carla] Carla, I can sense you're upset, talk to me!
JD: [looks confused, then continues walking and thinks] OK, but Turk is a prideful guy and it's hard for prideful guys to admit when they've been insensitive…
Dr Cox: [when JD walks by Dr. Cox and Jordan] Listen, Jordan, I've been incredibly insensitive...
JD: [looking back to the hallway, thinking] Touché, magic hallway!
JD: A drunk clown hurt me once.
JD: Why don't I ever listen to me?
Ted: And you know what else? I quit!
Dr Kelso: No you don't!
Ted: Well, I'm leaving early today!
Dr Kelso: No, you're not! You're coming back to my office to do busy work!
Ted: Fine, but I'm getting a soda first!
Dr Kelso: Whatever.
Turk: Laverne, I wrote the guest list for this conversation, and just in case, if you're wondering, you're not on it!
Carla: Please! What about all the women you've slept with? Your ex-wife, that med student, your ex-wife, the cute nurse from radiology, your ex-wife...
Dr Cox: Would you please get off my ex-wife?
Carla: I will if you will.
[Cox breaks down laughing]
Dr Cox: Well... dammit! Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.
Elliot: [In french] Do you speak french?
Turk: You know, I did learn a little when my high school class went to France, but that was just stuff to pick up chicks.
Elliot: [French] I really think it would make Tyler feel better if he could watch, ok?
[Turk is lost]
Turk: [Bad French] I have... an... Eiffel Tower... in my pants.
Elliot: What?
Turk: [Bad French] Grapefruit!
Dr Cox: They hate you, Bob. They hate from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. They hate you. By God, they hate you good.
Dr Kelso: [threateningly, to Nurse Roberts, who is chuckling] What’s so funny?
Nurse Roberts: Oh, just the hooves and pitchfork part.
[much more threateningly]
Nurse Roberts: Why?
Dr Kelso: [Frightened] Uh, no reason.
[Elliot keeps talking at a patient with a wired jaw]
Nurse: Did somebody here buzz for a nurse?
Elliot: No.
Nurse: [Looking at the patient] It looks like his eyes are screaming...
Dr Cox: Yo, girl's name!
JD: What?
Dr Cox: Gimme a break, Ellen, I got a lot on my mind, and look at that, I bounced back.
Dr Kelso: [on phone in his office] Yes, Enid, I hear Baxter growling, but the fact is, you ventured into his side of the house!
[listens, smiling]
Dr Kelso: Baring his teeth, huh?... OK, now here's whatcha do... Are you ready?
[pauses, smiling]
Dr Kelso: Make a sudden move!
[barks, growls and screams are heard from the phone. Kelso hangs up, chuckling]
Dr Kelso: Ahh, those two.
[JD asks Dr Kelso to tell him a story of when he was an intern]
Dr Kelso: Oh, what the hell. Back in '68… I don't like you. The end.
Cox’s Shrink: You mean to tell me that you actually took the advice of another human being? This is a big moment for me.
Dr Cox: Yuh-huh.
Cox’s Shrink: Well, by God, Perry, if there is a person in that hell-hole of a hospital that can give you advice, keep that person around you for as long as possible. Because, that person is nothing short… of a genius.
[Cut to J.D in an elevator, singing and dancing]
JD: Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting!
[pause]
JD: Those kicks were fast as lightning!
Carla: Well?
Dr Cox: I'm sorry, would you please repeat the question?
Carla: Are you just gonna roll over like that?
Jordan: That's weird, I asked him the same thing last night.
Carla: Where's the outrage? The anger? The hate?
Jordan: Again, last night!
Carla: You've gone soft.
Jordan: [Gasps] Okay, now it's getting spooky.
Elliot: Frick on a stick with a brick!
Dr Cox: Shower shorts, newbie?
JD: For the man who has nothing to hide… but still wants to.
Paul: Sometimes it feels like you're holding back.
Elliot: Of course I'm holding back, I'm insane, you idiot. Remember the other day when you told me I had pit-stains? Well I have cried every fifteen minutes on the half-hour since you told me that. I am racked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks, I'm claustrophobic, germ-phobic, phobia-phobic. I talk to myself, I talk to my cats, I talk to three separate shrinks about the fact that often my cats respond to me in my mother's voice and, yesterday, when that stupid, pretty surgical nurse handed you a pair of latex gloves I almost killed the guy who's leg I was stitching up because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex on a box of steaks. Why a box of steaks? 'Cos my Dad had an affair with a female butcher and, as I mentioned before, I am insane. There, I opened up, are you happy?
[to toddler Jack, at his parent's wedding-like divorce ceremony] Carla: You have no chance of being normal.
JD: [thinking] Just tell him how you feel without sounding like a girl for once.
[to Turk] JD: I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.
[J.D. faces a burnt-faced Dr. Kelso, who has just had hot coffee splashed on his face]
JD: [Thinking] Oh my God, do not say splotchy.
JD: Good splotchy, Dr Splotchy.
JD:[to himself, as Dr. Cox stands next to him at a urinal] Okay, just act natural. (out loud) Hey, Dr. Cox. Takin' a whiz?
JD: You're an actor.
Janitor: You're a fireman... What are we doing?
Dr Cox: No matter where you go in life, always keep an eye out for Johnny, the tackling Alzheimer's patient.
JD: What's that supposed to mean?!
Patient: [Tackling J.D. from out of nowhere, shouting] Who am I?
[Turk shows his new interns the patient list]
Turk: This guy needs brain work, this guy needs a heart...
JD: This one needs courage.
Turk: Helping or hurting, JD? Helping or hurting?
Janitor: I liked the way blond-hair-doctor looked. She brightened my day. But you don't care about that, do you? No... because you're unconscious.
Ted: [shouting on the phone] You want to quit? Then quit! But you, sir, are a worthless peon and you will *always* be a worthless peon!
[hangs up]
Ted: Sir, you know my band, The Worthless Peons? Well, Chris from Shipping & Receiving wants to go solo! If we lose him, we'll lose our sex appeal. He's the only one with hair! What do you think I should do?
Dr Kelso: Ted, you know my rule about personal problems - I'm not interested unless it involves my loved ones. Or possibly my wife.
[hands Ted a file]
Dr Kelso: Do lawyer stuff to that.
[about Dr. Cox]
Dr Kelso: And I'll be damned if he doesn't disagree with everything I say just because I said it.
JD: Sir, I don't think that's true.
[Kelso turns around to face Dr Cox, who is on the other side of the room]
Dr Kelso: It's hotter than hell in here, Perry!
Dr Cox: Freezing!
Dr Kelso: Great coffee, though!
Dr Cox: Rat piss!
Dr Kelso: Dr. Murphy here is an incompetent suck-up!
Dr Cox: No, Bob, in fact he's one of the finest young doctors I ever had the good fortune of working with.
Dr Kelso: [to J.D] Your witness.
[a woman with her son comes over to Dr. Cox and Jordan and starts talking to their son, Jack]
Woman: Hi, cutie! Since you have so many balls, and too many toys can be overstimulating for an infant, Brantley here was wondering if he could borrow one to play with.
Dr Cox: Oh, that's funny, because Jack here was just wondering why the crazy lady who just spent the last hour chain-smoking and talking on her cell phone while her kid ate sand, would come over to two complete strangers and give them parenting advice.
Jordan: Oh, he also thanked me for not naming him Brantley.
Dr Cox: Yeah.
JD: [voiceover] I knew Dr. Casey now pretty well, everyday, he goes to his first patient's room and touches every single thing in there...
Dr Casey: [touching things] Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink...
Dr Kelso: Dr. Casey, your patients are complaining about a noise in your wing.
Dr Casey: [pokes Dr. Kelso on the nose] Bink.
Dr Kelso: Dr. CASEY! Your patients!
Dr Casey: If the noise is bink then I can explain...
Dr Kelso: IT'S NOT BINK!
Elliot: Thanks again for helping me look for Carla.
Janitor: No problem. I'll check the dumpster.
Elliot: ...We're not looking for *dead* Carla.
Janitor: Atta girl. You stay optimistic.
Dr Kelso: [drunk at Turk and Carlas wedding reception] Ahh, Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr Kelso: That's your first name!
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?
Dr Kelso: [to Carla] ... and Mrs. Turkleton! The Turkletons! Hehehe...
[to bartender]
Dr Kelso: Gimme a scotch.
Carla: Dr Cox... why is your mouth red?
Dr Cox: Duct tape, two hours in a morgue drawer, don't piss off the janitor. End of story.
JD: [butting in] will there be a piñata? Because I need to know if I should bring my piñata helmet.
Jordan: Up-up-bah! The only reason we invited you is because for *some* reason, you have your own Spongebob Squarepants costume!
JD: It was a gift!
[voice-over]
JD: From me, to me!
Dr Cox: [explaining he doesn't care it's JD's last week of residency] I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week. Let's see... low carb diets, Michael Moore, the Republican National Convention, Kabbalah & all Kabbalah-related products, Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hotspots, the OC, the UN, recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys, Jeff- that Wiggle that sleeps too darn much, the Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything every-everything that exists past, present & future, in discovered and undiscovered dimensions!
[turns away, then turns back]
Dr Cox: Oh, and Hugh Jackman.
JD: Hugh Jackman is Wolverine! How dare he!
JD: [Driving circles around The Janitor] Ring around the janitor, pocket full of...
Janitor: Pocket full of what.
JD: ZANitor.
Janitor: That's not a word.
JD: Oh, Mrs. Grodberg, JZILBEK is not a word.
Mrs Grodberg: But I'm still beating you...
JD: Well, I'm just glad your surgery went okay and you still have your A game. I don't really care who wins.
JD: [thinks] Half a brain, dammit!
[discussing an argument between Elliot and Alex, an attractive social worker J.D. is dating]
Turk: So, who'd you side with?
JD: Neither; I just pretended I was paged, and then when they said they didn't hear anything, I called them both liars and ran away.
Turk: Smooth.
Dr Kelso: Perry, what's our plan of attack?
Dr Cox: When I crush a person's spirit, I like to use a combination of intimidation and degradation.
Dr Kelso: I prefer to create an environment in which the subjects end up crushing themselves.
Dr Cox: [intrigued] Uh-huh.
Janitor: [while JD is coming up behind the Janitor] I like to pick one person and torment them relentlessly for no reason. If I could find them, I'd show you.
[JD sneaks away while ominous music plays]
Janitor: He's near...
Dr Cox: I... I'm sorry. Um... crazy person says what?
Jordan: [angry] What?!
Dr Cox: Atta girl.
Dr Cox: Oh, my God! I… I’m gagging and vomiting at the same time! … I’m… I’m gavomiting!
JD: Oh my God, the janitor's afraid of Carla! How can I use this to my advantage?
[Cut to a fantasy where Carla is confronting the janitor]
Carla: Listen, I want you to lay off J.D.! Stop accusing him of things he didn't do. And bring him a fruit smoothie every day!
Janitor: [In Spanish] Would he like strawberry or banana?
Carla: [In Spanish] ... Purple tree car with cheese.
Janitor: [In Spanish] LIAR!
[He removes her mask, revealing J.D]
JD: Feliz Navidad...
[He retreats. Cut back to reality]
JD: I'd have to learn Spanish.
[Carla's assisting Turk in surgery]
Turk: Scalpel.
Carla: Scalpel what?
Turk: Scalpel, please.
Carla: Here you go, baby. Sorry: Dr. Baby.
[She giggles. Dr. Wen interrupts]
Dr Wen: [to Turk] Shall we proceed, Dr. Baby?
Dr Cox: I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it.
[Later…]
Dr Cox: By the by, this moment is so great that I would cheat on that other moment from before with it, marry it, and raise a family of tiny little moments.
Dr Kelso: I got you a present for your trip to Mexico. It's my old Spanish to English dictionary. I don't need it anymore, I've mastered the language.
Dr Clock: Gracias, Señor.
Dr Kelso: You're welcomo.
Dr Cox: I went ahead and took the liberty of making you five Man Cards. Hold them very dear, because every time you drop the ball, man-wise, I'm going to take one from you.
JD: I don't need your approval, or your stupid Man Cards! Although the lettering is darling. Have you ever done calligraphy?
Dr Cox: [snatching one of the cards] Thank you.
JD: Dammit!
Dr Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and give you back one of these Man Cards. You deserve it.
JD: Wow... Wanna hug?
Dr Cox: [taking the card back] You held on to it as long as you could, didn't you?
[Turk is using an endoscope to find a hernia inside a patient]
Bonnie: We're so lost.
Turk: We're not lost.
Bonnie: Go left, here.
Turk: It's a right.
Bonnie: You passed his Cooper's ligament three times already. Just stop and ask for directions!
Turk: Do you want to drive this thing? 'Cause I will pull - I will pull this thing over and let you drive this thing!
Dr Cox: Honestly, I haven't been this happy since Christmas when I was seven years old and my father showed me how to make a snow angel. Actually, he was passed out drunk in the yard... But I did take his arms and his legs and move them back and forth... And... th-the paramedics said it was one of the finest snow angels that they'd ever seen. So, maybe the fact that I am the kinder, gentler Cox is every last bit of okay. Maybe it's a... a natural progression. It's not like there's any real ramifications... [laughs]
Dr Cox: ... right?
Dr Cox: Oh, my God; I care so little, I almost passed out.
Dr Kelso: Ahh! I want you to kill the giant bat that's been living in my attic!
Turk: You keep Enid in the attic?
Janitor: Okay, hotshot, what would you use to get a coffee stain up off a tile floor?
JD: I don't know... the rough side of a sponge? [silence]
Janitor: Dammit.
Dr Cox: Let me introduce you to, A Man Who Doesn't Care.
JD: [thinking] Maybe I was being unfair to Turk. Maybe it's too much to expect a friend to just sense that you're upset and wanna talk about it...
Elliot: [when JD walks by Elliot and Carla] Carla, I can sense you're upset, talk to me!
JD: [looks confused, then continues walking and thinks] OK, but Turk is a prideful guy and it's hard for prideful guys to admit when they've been insensitive…
Dr Cox: [when JD walks by Dr. Cox and Jordan] Listen, Jordan, I've been incredibly insensitive...
JD: [looking back to the hallway, thinking] Touché, magic hallway!
JD: A drunk clown hurt me once.
JD: Why don't I ever listen to me?
Ted: And you know what else? I quit!
Dr Kelso: No you don't!
Ted: Well, I'm leaving early today!
Dr Kelso: No, you're not! You're coming back to my office to do busy work!
Ted: Fine, but I'm getting a soda first!
Dr Kelso: Whatever.
Turk: Laverne, I wrote the guest list for this conversation, and just in case, if you're wondering, you're not on it!
Carla: Please! What about all the women you've slept with? Your ex-wife, that med student, your ex-wife, the cute nurse from radiology, your ex-wife...
Dr Cox: Would you please get off my ex-wife?
Carla: I will if you will.
[Cox breaks down laughing]
Dr Cox: Well... dammit! Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.
Elliot: [In french] Do you speak french?
Turk: You know, I did learn a little when my high school class went to France, but that was just stuff to pick up chicks.
Elliot: [French] I really think it would make Tyler feel better if he could watch, ok?
[Turk is lost]
Turk: [Bad French] I have... an... Eiffel Tower... in my pants.
Elliot: What?
Turk: [Bad French] Grapefruit!
Dr Cox: They hate you, Bob. They hate from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. They hate you. By God, they hate you good.
Dr Kelso: [threateningly, to Nurse Roberts, who is chuckling] What’s so funny?
Nurse Roberts: Oh, just the hooves and pitchfork part.
[much more threateningly]
Nurse Roberts: Why?
Dr Kelso: [Frightened] Uh, no reason.
[Elliot keeps talking at a patient with a wired jaw]
Nurse: Did somebody here buzz for a nurse?
Elliot: No.
Nurse: [Looking at the patient] It looks like his eyes are screaming...
Dr Cox: Yo, girl's name!
JD: What?
Dr Cox: Gimme a break, Ellen, I got a lot on my mind, and look at that, I bounced back.
Dr Kelso: [on phone in his office] Yes, Enid, I hear Baxter growling, but the fact is, you ventured into his side of the house!
[listens, smiling]
Dr Kelso: Baring his teeth, huh?... OK, now here's whatcha do... Are you ready?
[pauses, smiling]
Dr Kelso: Make a sudden move!
[barks, growls and screams are heard from the phone. Kelso hangs up, chuckling]
Dr Kelso: Ahh, those two.
[JD asks Dr Kelso to tell him a story of when he was an intern]
Dr Kelso: Oh, what the hell. Back in '68… I don't like you. The end.
Cox’s Shrink: You mean to tell me that you actually took the advice of another human being? This is a big moment for me.
Dr Cox: Yuh-huh.
Cox’s Shrink: Well, by God, Perry, if there is a person in that hell-hole of a hospital that can give you advice, keep that person around you for as long as possible. Because, that person is nothing short… of a genius.
[Cut to J.D in an elevator, singing and dancing]
JD: Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting!
[pause]
JD: Those kicks were fast as lightning!
Carla: Well?
Dr Cox: I'm sorry, would you please repeat the question?
Carla: Are you just gonna roll over like that?
Jordan: That's weird, I asked him the same thing last night.
Carla: Where's the outrage? The anger? The hate?
Jordan: Again, last night!
Carla: You've gone soft.
Jordan: [Gasps] Okay, now it's getting spooky.
Elliot: Frick on a stick with a brick!
Dr Cox: Shower shorts, newbie?
JD: For the man who has nothing to hide… but still wants to.
Paul: Sometimes it feels like you're holding back.
Elliot: Of course I'm holding back, I'm insane, you idiot. Remember the other day when you told me I had pit-stains? Well I have cried every fifteen minutes on the half-hour since you told me that. I am racked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks, I'm claustrophobic, germ-phobic, phobia-phobic. I talk to myself, I talk to my cats, I talk to three separate shrinks about the fact that often my cats respond to me in my mother's voice and, yesterday, when that stupid, pretty surgical nurse handed you a pair of latex gloves I almost killed the guy who's leg I was stitching up because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex on a box of steaks. Why a box of steaks? 'Cos my Dad had an affair with a female butcher and, as I mentioned before, I am insane. There, I opened up, are you happy?
[to toddler Jack, at his parent's wedding-like divorce ceremony] Carla: You have no chance of being normal.
JD: [thinking] Just tell him how you feel without sounding like a girl for once.
[to Turk] JD: I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.
[J.D. faces a burnt-faced Dr. Kelso, who has just had hot coffee splashed on his face]
JD: [Thinking] Oh my God, do not say splotchy.
JD: Good splotchy, Dr Splotchy.
JD:[to himself, as Dr. Cox stands next to him at a urinal] Okay, just act natural. (out loud) Hey, Dr. Cox. Takin' a whiz?
JD: You're an actor.
Janitor: You're a fireman... What are we doing?
Dr Cox: No matter where you go in life, always keep an eye out for Johnny, the tackling Alzheimer's patient.
JD: What's that supposed to mean?!
Patient: [Tackling J.D. from out of nowhere, shouting] Who am I?
[Turk shows his new interns the patient list]
Turk: This guy needs brain work, this guy needs a heart...
JD: This one needs courage.
Turk: Helping or hurting, JD? Helping or hurting?
Janitor: I liked the way blond-hair-doctor looked. She brightened my day. But you don't care about that, do you? No... because you're unconscious.
Ted: [shouting on the phone] You want to quit? Then quit! But you, sir, are a worthless peon and you will *always* be a worthless peon!
[hangs up]
Ted: Sir, you know my band, The Worthless Peons? Well, Chris from Shipping & Receiving wants to go solo! If we lose him, we'll lose our sex appeal. He's the only one with hair! What do you think I should do?
Dr Kelso: Ted, you know my rule about personal problems - I'm not interested unless it involves my loved ones. Or possibly my wife.
[hands Ted a file]
Dr Kelso: Do lawyer stuff to that.
[about Dr. Cox]
Dr Kelso: And I'll be damned if he doesn't disagree with everything I say just because I said it.
JD: Sir, I don't think that's true.
[Kelso turns around to face Dr Cox, who is on the other side of the room]
Dr Kelso: It's hotter than hell in here, Perry!
Dr Cox: Freezing!
Dr Kelso: Great coffee, though!
Dr Cox: Rat piss!
Dr Kelso: Dr. Murphy here is an incompetent suck-up!
Dr Cox: No, Bob, in fact he's one of the finest young doctors I ever had the good fortune of working with.
Dr Kelso: [to J.D] Your witness.
[a woman with her son comes over to Dr. Cox and Jordan and starts talking to their son, Jack]
Woman: Hi, cutie! Since you have so many balls, and too many toys can be overstimulating for an infant, Brantley here was wondering if he could borrow one to play with.
Dr Cox: Oh, that's funny, because Jack here was just wondering why the crazy lady who just spent the last hour chain-smoking and talking on her cell phone while her kid ate sand, would come over to two complete strangers and give them parenting advice.
Jordan: Oh, he also thanked me for not naming him Brantley.
Dr Cox: Yeah.
JD: [voiceover] I knew Dr. Casey now pretty well, everyday, he goes to his first patient's room and touches every single thing in there...
Dr Casey: [touching things] Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink...
Dr Kelso: Dr. Casey, your patients are complaining about a noise in your wing.
Dr Casey: [pokes Dr. Kelso on the nose] Bink.
Dr Kelso: Dr. CASEY! Your patients!
Dr Casey: If the noise is bink then I can explain...
Dr Kelso: IT'S NOT BINK!
Elliot: Thanks again for helping me look for Carla.
Janitor: No problem. I'll check the dumpster.
Elliot: ...We're not looking for *dead* Carla.
Janitor: Atta girl. You stay optimistic.
Dr Kelso: [drunk at Turk and Carlas wedding reception] Ahh, Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr Kelso: That's your first name!
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?
Dr Kelso: [to Carla] ... and Mrs. Turkleton! The Turkletons! Hehehe...
[to bartender]
Dr Kelso: Gimme a scotch.
Carla: Dr Cox... why is your mouth red?
Dr Cox: Duct tape, two hours in a morgue drawer, don't piss off the janitor. End of story.
JD: [butting in] will there be a piñata? Because I need to know if I should bring my piñata helmet.
Jordan: Up-up-bah! The only reason we invited you is because for *some* reason, you have your own Spongebob Squarepants costume!
JD: It was a gift!
[voice-over]
JD: From me, to me!
Dr Cox: [explaining he doesn't care it's JD's last week of residency] I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week. Let's see... low carb diets, Michael Moore, the Republican National Convention, Kabbalah & all Kabbalah-related products, Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hotspots, the OC, the UN, recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys, Jeff- that Wiggle that sleeps too darn much, the Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything every-everything that exists past, present & future, in discovered and undiscovered dimensions!
[turns away, then turns back]
Dr Cox: Oh, and Hugh Jackman.
JD: Hugh Jackman is Wolverine! How dare he!
JD: [Driving circles around The Janitor] Ring around the janitor, pocket full of...
Janitor: Pocket full of what.
JD: ZANitor.
Janitor: That's not a word.
JD: Oh, Mrs. Grodberg, JZILBEK is not a word.
Mrs Grodberg: But I'm still beating you...
JD: Well, I'm just glad your surgery went okay and you still have your A game. I don't really care who wins.
JD: [thinks] Half a brain, dammit!
[discussing an argument between Elliot and Alex, an attractive social worker J.D. is dating]
Turk: So, who'd you side with?
JD: Neither; I just pretended I was paged, and then when they said they didn't hear anything, I called them both liars and ran away.
Turk: Smooth.
Dr Kelso: Perry, what's our plan of attack?
Dr Cox: When I crush a person's spirit, I like to use a combination of intimidation and degradation.
Dr Kelso: I prefer to create an environment in which the subjects end up crushing themselves.
Dr Cox: [intrigued] Uh-huh.
Janitor: [while JD is coming up behind the Janitor] I like to pick one person and torment them relentlessly for no reason. If I could find them, I'd show you.
[JD sneaks away while ominous music plays]
Janitor: He's near...
Dr Cox: I... I'm sorry. Um... crazy person says what?
Jordan: [angry] What?!
Dr Cox: Atta girl.
Dr Cox: Oh, my God! I… I’m gagging and vomiting at the same time! … I’m… I’m gavomiting!
JD: Oh my God, the janitor's afraid of Carla! How can I use this to my advantage?
[Cut to a fantasy where Carla is confronting the janitor]
Carla: Listen, I want you to lay off J.D.! Stop accusing him of things he didn't do. And bring him a fruit smoothie every day!
Janitor: [In Spanish] Would he like strawberry or banana?
Carla: [In Spanish] ... Purple tree car with cheese.
Janitor: [In Spanish] LIAR!
[He removes her mask, revealing J.D]
JD: Feliz Navidad...
[He retreats. Cut back to reality]
JD: I'd have to learn Spanish.
[Carla's assisting Turk in surgery]
Turk: Scalpel.
Carla: Scalpel what?
Turk: Scalpel, please.
Carla: Here you go, baby. Sorry: Dr. Baby.
[She giggles. Dr. Wen interrupts]
Dr Wen: [to Turk] Shall we proceed, Dr. Baby?
Dr Cox: I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it.
[Later…]
Dr Cox: By the by, this moment is so great that I would cheat on that other moment from before with it, marry it, and raise a family of tiny little moments.
Dr Kelso: I got you a present for your trip to Mexico. It's my old Spanish to English dictionary. I don't need it anymore, I've mastered the language.
Dr Clock: Gracias, Señor.
Dr Kelso: You're welcomo.
Dr Cox: I went ahead and took the liberty of making you five Man Cards. Hold them very dear, because every time you drop the ball, man-wise, I'm going to take one from you.
JD: I don't need your approval, or your stupid Man Cards! Although the lettering is darling. Have you ever done calligraphy?
Dr Cox: [snatching one of the cards] Thank you.
JD: Dammit!
Dr Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and give you back one of these Man Cards. You deserve it.
JD: Wow... Wanna hug?
Dr Cox: [taking the card back] You held on to it as long as you could, didn't you?
[Turk is using an endoscope to find a hernia inside a patient]
Bonnie: We're so lost.
Turk: We're not lost.
Bonnie: Go left, here.
Turk: It's a right.
Bonnie: You passed his Cooper's ligament three times already. Just stop and ask for directions!
Turk: Do you want to drive this thing? 'Cause I will pull - I will pull this thing over and let you drive this thing!
Dr Cox: Honestly, I haven't been this happy since Christmas when I was seven years old and my father showed me how to make a snow angel. Actually, he was passed out drunk in the yard... But I did take his arms and his legs and move them back and forth... And... th-the paramedics said it was one of the finest snow angels that they'd ever seen. So, maybe the fact that I am the kinder, gentler Cox is every last bit of okay. Maybe it's a... a natural progression. It's not like there's any real ramifications... [laughs]
Dr Cox: ... right?
My Beauful Dog, ;]
"This is an intervention.... and birthday party! Happy birthday!... You have a problem."
Depression is like…
When the happiness inside you,
Becomes a flickering light.
Sometimes you’re happy,
But mostly upset,
And if things don’t get better,
That flame becomes dead.
Everything feels,
As if nothing is worth it,
And nothing feels,
That it still lies unbroken.
Inside you’re just dead,
Outside you’re plain scared,
Wondering if your life
Could ever be spared.
You’re capable of anything:
Suicide seems the easy way,
To make those things,
Just forever go away.
You hold the gun,
In your shaking hand,
Wondering what went wrong.
Then something bursts inside you-
The light, it’s back.
You drop the gun like a sack.
What were you doing?You could have been killed.
The gun shoots a round,
You run for the hills.
Depression is gone,
Here is another day.
A fresh beginning,
A happy ending.
There’s always a way.
When the happiness inside you,
Becomes a flickering light.
Sometimes you’re happy,
But mostly upset,
And if things don’t get better,
That flame becomes dead.
Everything feels,
As if nothing is worth it,
And nothing feels,
That it still lies unbroken.
Inside you’re just dead,
Outside you’re plain scared,
Wondering if your life
Could ever be spared.
You’re capable of anything:
Suicide seems the easy way,
To make those things,
Just forever go away.
You hold the gun,
In your shaking hand,
Wondering what went wrong.
Then something bursts inside you-
The light, it’s back.
You drop the gun like a sack.
What were you doing?You could have been killed.
The gun shoots a round,
You run for the hills.
Depression is gone,
Here is another day.
A fresh beginning,
A happy ending.
There’s always a way.
What Should I Write About Most?
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About Me
- Sam
- Reindeerville, Kingsland. :D, Australia
- I'm Sam, 15, Grade 10. I picked up the funny little habit of writing stories at about the age of 5; it's developed since, I hope. I love to create my own little world and allow people see into it, it's like showing them a part of my soul, really, although that sounds extremely lame. I think writing is my way of showing people who I really am, and how I'm feeling. I love my blogger family and will be forever grateful having gotten to know them. They're fantastic people. I often voice random things to *try* and make people laugh :] I love to make people smile, it makes me think I do some good. And I have a tendency to ramble.
4 comments:
sam.
if im understanding correctly, then I know what you're talking about.
don't.
you probably won't even get this comment because you've shut everything down.
im sorry i havent been around and im sorry i failed in helping you and im sorry you feel like our friendship fell apart.
please dont.
i care about you, we care about you, people care about you.
please.
xxx
Everything I say is going to sound like such a cliche (but hey, it's a cliche because it's usually true) -- as much as things suck right now, they DO get better... it might not be tomorrow or a month from now, but they do and you'll be glad you stuck around for the good things (don't get me wrong, it won't be all rainbows and butterflies, it'll still suck sometimes too but the good stuff makes it worth it.)
And trust me, you may think people don't care or that you're forgettable or something but trust me, you're not and if you care at all about the people in your life then you wouldn't hurt them like that because losing you will hurt them worse than anything else you could do and it's not something they'll ever get over or be able to just forget, really, you'll break them and they'll have to live with that for the rest of their lives.
-Lanna
I'm texting you when I get into town, alot.
I'm hoping you won't be able to resist the urge to turn on your phone.
Take it from someone who knows, life sucks, parents suck but there's good things, there might not be many good things but there are some. You have to live for the little good things and then everything will get better.
Don't go to hospital.
Don't take option 4.
I'm serious about seeing if you can move in with me when I get a unit.
x
the girls have said everything i could possibly have said that might help you.
and i really tried to write something else down here, an i love you and a 'do what you have to do' sort of thing, because i love you enough that if it is the only thing that will ever make you happy then i guess you have to do it, but i can't say that because i don't mean it and i don't want you to just take your fucking option four, i couldn't bear it.
and maybe i'm being weak but i don't give a fuck. i can't even give you advice because i just don't know how.
you're hurting me, sam. you're hurting all of us and i can't even be nice to you in this because its hurting me so fucking much i don't even think this is making sense but you won't read it anyway so i may as well give up.
maybe in a moment of weakness you'll read this, i don't know.
i just don't have the strength to tell you no when you seem so made up about it. so, however stupid i am being by not fighting and rambling on through my tears, i am going to tell you goodbye.
i love you sam. and wherever your life or death takes you, i hope you'll be happier. this is probably too late, so just know that i loved you so so so much, and wherever you go, a little piece of me is going to go with you.
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