He... killed his own name

These past few weeks have been...draining.
I'm not sure which way certain things are going anymore, I'm so confused.
I don't really know what's going on with anyone else either so if anyone reads this then I invite you to share what's been happening in your life recently.

Nana and Pa have been in Queensland since the 17th of December.
I don't know if I've talked about this here but my nana is a blind drunk; every year her intelligence disintegrates more and more and it just pisses me off, that someone would willingly do that to their body and mind just angers me. She's noticeably less together mentally every year, she's now to the point where she'll say things completely unrelated to the topic but believe them to be related, she doesn't remember things she's done or said 2 minutes beforehand, she constantly contradicts herself, and she can barely grab a hold on reality.

When I was away with them I would have conversations with Jess, Matt and Pa, she'd be in the lounge room not partaking in the conversation, reading or whatever, but everytime I would say something she'd immediately cut in, tell me to shut up or tell someone to either lock me on the balcony, hang me off the balcony, or throw me off it. She told me I can't do anything, that I'm just like my mum was as a teenager (who she said was 'the worst teenager in the world'), and just always insults me for no reason, even when I'm nowhere near her or not even talking.

I've just been ignoring her because everyone does (I've noticed this more recently) and it just seems to annoy the hell out of her because I don't usually ignore people. But it's not fair that the only things she says are insults and yet she still expects the same people she says that stuff about to treat her properly.

I wrote this on my last blog but to explain more, my mum told me about how Nana reacted when she found out Mum was pregnant with me. I knew most of it but learned a bit more that shocked me.
Basically because Mum was 16 when she got pregnant Nana was pissed off, a lot. She was a horrible mother though, she was a fulltime doctor and always moving, never spoke to her kids, basically Mum and Jess were raised by their grandma.
Anyway Nana decided that even though she'd barely been in my mum's life up til the time she got pregnant, that she had the right to decide whether she had the baby or not. She first just told Mum to get the abortion, but when Mum refused, she kicked her out, and Mum had to stay with Catherine (dangerously unstable family member). Anyway at that point Nana was planning to tell my mum that she'd gotten the results of the ultrasound and that she'd had a miscarriage, and she needed to go in for a procedure to remove it and whatever. (Clearly not true as I was obviously born.) Anyway Mum moved to Melbourne before she could tell her so basically my grandmother came rather close to killing me. I know she didn't know me and that she loves me now and whatever but it angers me so much that she thought she could control whether someone else would or wouldn't kill their child.
I mean, seriously. She only wanted Mum to get an abortion because she was embarrassed that her teenage daughter was pregnant. That's not a reason to take away a person's life.

Anyway, long story short, she's been really aggravating me lately.
I had this dream last night that she accused me of all this stuff that wasn't true and wouldn't listen to my reasoning and everyone else sided with her. She then threw a crocodile at me (I don't know) and started beating me with a table leg. I literally was so angry in my dream that when I woke up I had tears in my eyes. She made me angry in my dream.
The woman is just infuriating.

Anywho, Christmas was alright. Indi got a lot of stuff, next year I'll probably be living in my own place so I doubt I'll get anything much so I didn't expect a lot this year. Honestly I couldn't care less about possessions at the moment.

But seeing as it's part of my Christmas blog post thing I'll put down what I got, just to remember in case I look back next year (I usually do).
-2 shirts
-2 dvds
-2 ds games
-dvd player
-pyjamas (from Nana and Pa)
The dvd player is because mine broke so Dad bought me a mini one cause my laptop's stuffed and a dvd player is cheaper than a laptop.
I'm saving up for a black msi u100. Irene has one and I want it, plus the computers at our house are absolutely stuffed, which is so stupid because Dad's an IT person. But yeah I'll need a computer for schoolwork etc, not to mention Indi is starting high school next year so she'll probably be needing this computer (the PC) a bit and I couldn't be bothered arguing about who needs it more (but seriously, yr 12 vs yr 8, I would so win that fight).
Oh! I forgot! I got Choc-chip cookie dough Poptarts from Jess and Matt! XD
They look a little revolting, in the good way that still makes you feel sick after eating it.

Umm, what else.
OH! I got a baby rat!
She's adoraaaable - 4 weeks old. She's so tiny!
They're not supposed to be taken from their mums til they're 5 weeks old at the youngest and not supposed to be sold until 6 weeks, so I'm annoyed at whoever took her away too early, but I got Ruby when she was 4 weeks so I think we'll be okay. She's not fully taking to solids, I've been offering her milk and honey but she's still a bit nervous around me.
It's so cute, she's literally the size of Jellybean's head (Jellybean's old and pretty fat); the baby's been cuddling up to her and following her around like Jellybean's her mum. It's adorable.
She's all black except for her tummy, which is white, and her paws are white. Her tail's darkish except for the very tip which is pink. So cute. I wish she'd stay still long enough for me to take photos but she's so quick. I'll try again later.

Tonight I'm starting the antidepressants. I'm actually not sure how it will go because I haven't been on antidepressants before (except the one tablet Mum gave me but that doesn't really count), I know the side-effects and how long it's going to take to work (if it works), but yeah I'm not sure. I'd like to talk to someone about it.
Nana's pretty peeved about it, she thinks I'm embarrassing her like Mum embarrassed her. She constantly kicks me out of rooms to talk to Mum about me, it's so fricking annoying.

Aaaaanyway...
I can't think of much else.
I think there's going to be a NYE party here, Lewis is staying the night.
He said he's bought me a Rubik's cube lol, I was wanting to buy one because I want to learn how to be one of those clever people that can solve them without getting frustrated and cracking them open (I may have done that a few years ago... >.>).

I really miss staying up late on MSN and talking to people til like 3am.
Nowadays the only people I see online go to bed at 9 -.-

Hmm.
Talking to someone on the phone would be nice, anyone with my number's welcome to call, I'm awake 20 hours of the day so chances are you'll catch me.
I don't think anyone will actually call but oh well.

Merry Christmas.