"HE HAD A CLICK IN HIS NAME!" XD

WATCHWATCHWATCH
XD

That's part of the video we watched at Sarah and Missy's party. The guy is effing hilarious. We watched 45 minutes of him and my stomach muscles were killing me!

Anywho, I'm going to explain my week, cause a fair amount's happened so quickly and I'm just trying to get a handle on it all but... I don't know. It's overwhelming and right now I don't think I should ask for someone to listen to my ramblings because I've sort of let a lot of people down this week and I don't deserve to ask a favour of anyone.
So allow me to explain how I have screwed up.

Sunday:
Stayed up until 1:30am to watch Harper's Island-- BAD IDEA. There were really only two scary parts, which I shall not explain, but let's just say that I was staring at my door waiting for red-eyed corpses to come bursting in and kill me. Lol
So I didn't get to sleep until 4:30am, which is my fault.

Monday:
I woke up at 6:30 and was in a really crappy mood.
I got to school and barely spoke all day until 1pm. Which is when people were talking about Jamie. You guys don't know about him. He died from cancer.
People were talking shit about him because when he died he was in massive arguments with basically EVERYONE he knew and so he'd completely alienated everyone who'd loved him, which I found very incredibly sad.
And then someone goes to me, "Hey Sam, you know it'll probably be the same when you die."
Just what I need. Just what I fucking need when I'm already in a foul mood-- people badmouthing my dead friend and then telling me that everyone I love will be happy when I die.
So all that afternoon I was crying and other stuff which I've mentioned, and I basically took it out on everyone I talked to by being short with them or barely speaking at all and whatever. Point is, I was a bitch.
-.-
Selfish much.
So understandably there are like 12 people, no joke, who are upset with me right now because I said some very unfair/stupid things. A few of those people are very incredibly important to me so I just feel like shooting myself in the face.
Yes, that was a bit exaggerated, but I still feel like just, ugh. I am a horrible person. Honestly.
So yeah, since Monday I've been feeling very ... I dunno, alone. Like I've pushed so many people away without even meaning to. I feel helpless, like I've screwed up so majorly with some of them that I just can't fix it. Not all of them, but some.

Tuesday/Wednesday:
Terrible. Lonely. What I deserve.

Thursday:
Stayed home. Texted about 5 people, no replies.
What I deserve.

Today:
Realised I'm easily distracted. I still feel sick with worry every single second but I don't actually focus on the worry when I'm immersed in a conversation.
My throat hurts because I've been talking to so many people. I don't usually talk that much.
In Form I talked to Simone.
Bio talked to Maddie, Megan and Steven.
Ancient History talked to Grimy (the teacher), Yibing, Sarah, Beki, Simone and Shanice.
Morning Tea talked to Ellie and Lewis.
Maths talked to Megan and Karishma.
Lunch, talked to everyone. Had a water fight with Lewis, Ellie and Megan XD I won.
English, talked to Rya.
After school our whole group walked up to Cold Rock and got ice cream (I didn't, but anyway). Then we walked to the bus stop and got on the bus (no duh). It was packed so Ellie and I took the front seat that's really only meant for one person. We got to our bus stop and all piled off ('we' being Sarah, Missy, Ellie, Rya, Kate, Beki, Vanessa, Jess, Chante and myself), then walked to Kate's house and waited out the front while she got her stuff. Walked to Missy and Sarah's house. It was 80s theme, haha. So everyone got all dressed up in 80s gear, it was hilarious. Missy got hairspray and attacked Ellie and I with it, it was a lol moment. Then we were just doing random things, playing SingStar, Twister, talking, running around, eating strange things that I think had salmon in them... then we ate dinner, talked, played more SingStar, watched Megan's dvd of Russell Peters, the comedian XD lol!!!!! God that cracked me up.
Then we cut cake and there were two fricking cakes so they were passing around plates with two pieces of cake AND ice cream on each and I was like ... umm... And they made me eat it D: Lol.
Then Dad picked me up.
Was a pretty fun night but as soon as I got home I started feeling like... it's really difficult to describe and I know it sounds melodramatic but it feels like someone's actually hollowed out my stomach, I just feel this dread creeping over me constantly. Actually it's probably guilt. For being so horrible on Monday. And just horrible in general.
Note:
--->NOT A GOOD FRIEND TO HAVE<---

Anyway.. I have work tomorrow so should probably try and wash the hairspray out of my hair and go to bed.
If Missy and Sarah post pictures of the party tomorrow I'll put them up here.

Sorry for being all selfish and shit and not helping with you guys, I know a lot of you are going through some really rough times and I wish I could be of help.
But honestly I feel like everyone around me should just take a step back from me, lest I ruin everything.