Mental head slap!

Hahaha, Ellie finds it funny that I use that expression when I get annoyed at myself. Then she'll keep saying, "Mental head slap!" again and again for the rest of the day.

Speaking of Ellie, she got home today. So she called me and we talked for about an hour. We were like, "We have to do something tomorrow!"
And then I went, "Well, I got a prepaid movie thing, so how about we go to the movies?"
Ellie was silent for a minute. "Well..." she hesitated, "I'll have to find some money."
Egh, eye roll. I started laughing. "I'd PAY for you, moron!" I said, grinning.
"OH!" she said. "LET'S GO TO THE MOVIES!"
Hahahaha, dear lord.
Oh, and just in case you were thinking about me paying for her, it's cause her parents don't really give her money to go out, so meh. I don't care, I have a heap of money now. xD

Speaking of which, we went to JB Hi-fi today. I got another Singstar game (80's) and a webcam. :D
I miss my friends, but they're always doing SOMETHING, except they have time in the evening to go on msn, so I talk to them there.

Which brings me to another point I've been seriously thinking about.
And it's not something that's got an answer, it's simply statements.

Most-- if not all-- of my friends are people I've met through Ellie.
Most of them, I've met this year.
I lost almost all of MY close friends this year.
I then moved groups because MY friends hated me.
Ellie's basically kept me from being lonered, and has made sure I've had people to hang out with.
If Ellie wasn't my friend, if Ellie and I had a fight, I'd have no one.

It's a depressing realisation, because although Ellie's always been my best friend, I've always had others to lean on, another group of friends to hang out with.
This is it.
If I stuff up my friendship with Ellie, I'll be by myself. Which has never happened before.

What to do? Sure, next year I could make some new friends, but there's almost no one in my year that I don't know. No group I couldn't label. And if I haven't approached that group before, why now? No. I just have to think of something else.

That's not to say I'm worried about my friendship with Ellie. We haven't fought since primary school (five years ago, maybe?), and I have no doubt we'll be best friends throughout school. I just don't know... it's worrying me. I'm not used to not having anyone else there, y'know?

And it's not like I just talk to Ellie, either. The whole group has basically befriended me and I'm as close to them as I was to Kayla and Lara (who I've known since primary school, too).

I guess right now I'm having one of those irrational moments of fear when anything and everything that could possibly go wrong, I visualize.

I can't honestly see Ellie and I fighting, or me being by myself, it's just... okay, imagine you're doing some stupid stunt up REALLY high, like on a circus trapeze or something, that you've done before, except this time they've gotten rid of the safety net below you, so if you do fall, you plummet to your death.
That's the best example I can think of.

Right, enough of the depressing stuff.

I'm done thinking for the day. xD I'm gonna go see a movie tomorrow and chill out; I've been freaking myself out over next year more than I should.

Kay, see you guys later. :]

<3 <3 <3

~Sammy