When someone said count your blessings now, 'fore they're long gone

I guess I just didn't know how,
I was all wrong.
They knew better,
Still you said forever
And ever,
Who knew.

--

Um, hi.
In the past week I think I've just about erased everything good from my life. I've let down the people I care about most, so much. I've been trying so hard to make things right but I just don't know. I screwed up pretty badly.
Since Friday I've been feeling incredibly sick with worry that things won't ever go back to normal, just hating myself for messing things up so badly. I haven't slept since Saturday and just yeah, I'm so angry at myself.
I miss them :\ But I don't expect them to forgive me.
So I don't know what I'm going to do.
I feel lost without them. I guess I deserve it.

School starts back tomorrow, just freaking wonderful. :\
Sorry for complaining so much but...*shrug* I'm not forcing you to read.

If I haven't fixed all the relationships I've screwed up in the past week by Friday... I think I've got some sort of plan forming.
*Quit my job
*Gather up all my money
*Leave everyone I've hurt alone, even though I'll miss them so, so much; I don't want to bother them if they don't want me in their lives
*Pack up and leave... even though I've got nowhere to go and nobody who'll want me to be living anywhere near them
*... Do my best to find a job, I guess

I wish the whole week could just be undone.
I wish I could undo the mistakes I made.
And I wish I hadn't pushed away the people who don't deserve anything so terrible; they've helped me more than anyone else and yet I still let them down.

Until Friday I'll do my best to try and make it up to them but I don't expect them to forgive me. I don't deserve it. And they deserve much better friends. They deserve friends who are as good to them as they are to me.
I'm not anywhere near that good and for that I'll never forgive myself.