Kill me whilst my heart still beats; crush my hands and break my feet

fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffar out.
Sorry but this post wasn't going to be as nice as planned.
I'm not having a good day so far and just really need to write these complaints down so I don't actually have to bore anyone with them; you guys don't have to read this.
So I spose I'll tell you about the past 5 days to calm down a bit.

Thursday - stayed home cause my alarm didn't go off and Dad woke me up at like 8 saying "we have to go in ten minutes"... gee, thanks for the heads-up.

Friday - you all obviously have read Christine's blog so I won't go into as much detail as I would have; I'd just be re-iterating things.
But basically Friday morning I got up at about 6, left for the bus at 8-ish and actually managed to find my way to the right place on the first go. Then yeah, you know the rest.
I then caught the bus home and had to stand up almost the whole way and my legs & feet were killing, so when I got home I took a few too many painkillers and fell asleep (I woke up like an hour later though).
Yeah... Friday was a good day. Unlike the rest of the week.

Saturday - woke up at 5am and got ready, headed to the airport at 6ish and got the 7:45 plane, I think. Got to Sydney at 10-something their time (they're an hour ahead).
On the plane Mum caught a glimpse of the cat scratches on my right wrist and was freaking out about them. So she was showing everybody who could care to look and asking if it looked like they were infected.
My grandparents were waiting at the airport and it was so good to see Pa, he looked completely back to normal and happy and yeah.
Drove back to their place and didn't do a lot until lunchtime, I think I slept cause I was feeling pretty sick, then we went out to this awesome restaurant we always go to when we're in Sydney, I probably wrote about it last year when I went down.
Then did basically nothing for the rest of the day.

Sunday - woke up at 6 Brizzie time and couldn't fall back asleep. Left at 10 to go to the airport but we drove to my great-grandma's nursing home on the way to say hi. She's pretty much dying, she didn't recognise us and she's almost blind and deaf and yeah. So that really sucked.
Flew home in Business Class. We got to go to the QANTAS lounge before the flight and they tried to kick Nana out cause she wasn't flying but she went in anyway. She was pestering me the whole time to travel around the world with her and Pa sometime later in the year. Ugh.
The plane trip was alright but the landing was incredibly uneven. The old guy I sat next to also gave me a butterscotch thingo.
Got home and did nothing, then watched half an episode of Dexter and decided it wasn't fun watching tv alone, so fell asleep.

Today - has started off badly. Woke up and just wanted to go back to sleep. I left a few things back in Sydney and Dad hasn't washed my school uniform. When I told him it was time to get up he said he'd drop me off at school at exactly 9. Well, school starts at 8:45. I asked Mum if I could stay home and she said fine. Then Dad asked what time I wanted to be dropped off and I told him I wasn't going. He fully blew up at me (whilst I was writing this) and said it'd be my 3rd day off and I told him I really didn't care, I'm post-compulsory education so I don't have to go. He said he's getting me through grade 12 so I should consider it compulsory, and I told him that if I didn't want to go, he couldn't make me, and it's my choice whether I want to go to school now. He said it's not my choice and to get ready. Well, I'm not going, so he can say whatever but I think I'll go back to bed.
Not sure if I want to go back to school.
I'm not smart enough to get an OP 1 or 2 so why should I waste the next 2 years of my life aiming for some unreachable goal? Even if I put 100% into school, I'm not smart enough to get that good an OP. So screw it.
This is going to sound stupid and emotionally retarded and melodramatic, but have you ever felt that you didn't want to die, but you didn't want to live, either?
I just don't want my life anymore.
Don't ask why, because I couldn't tell you.

I just randomly thought up the title.