Poems

I posted properly earlier, so have a look if you like.
Just wanted to post these for some reason.
They're pretty awful.

False hope,
Fading lines,
Crushing weaknesses--
Are you watching?
Watch me struggle,
Watch me gasp
For breaths that I
Surely do not deserve.
Throw me away--
Hate me, reject me.
Give me what I earn
Through hurting you,
Wasting you.
I love you.
I miss you.
I don't deserve you.
Give me no more time,
Hear nothing of my struggles.
I don't want you to know me,
With all my weaknesses,
And loathing;
Always trapped in shadows.
Those things make me... me.
But I can't let you sink, fall, dive
Into depths of sadness
That your happy being
Could not possibly withstand.
Not for me.
No,
Not for me.
Move forward.
And smile! for chrissake.
I love you.
I miss you.
And I surely don't deserve you.

--

Please,
Tell me what's wrong.
When you cry,
My soul shakes,
And my heart rattles in my chest.
Your tears are like
Sorrow-filled paths to a place
I'm sure you don't want to go.
I can't watch you like this;
It breaks me.
Your eyes are impenetrable
And darker... I could swear
They're actually darker.
I want to help,
To be there.
I want to be the one
Who lifts you out of this place,
And spends forever
Making sure you don't go back.
I want to be the one
Who makes you laugh
While there are still tear tracks on your face.
I want to stand at your graduation
And know that I helped you get there.
To know that I made you happy again.
I just want to watch you smile
For days and nights,
And help you smile when you think it's impossible.
I want you to know
That I care,
That you're not alone,
And that I'll always be here.

--

What are these, you say?
They're scars.
Don't ask and I won't tell.
Promise me you'll watch over me, though,
When you're in Heaven,
And I'm burning.
Burning for lying,
And telling you I'm fine
When really I'm bleeding.
Burning for turning away,
When you ask what I've done
And I know you'll get angry.
Burning for planning,
When you begged me not to,
And I told you I wouldn't.
Watch over me, will you?

--

I can't ever watch you
Walk away and wave goodbye.
It hurts too much.
I feel like you're digging a knife into my chest
Every time you say you love me...
It makes me that happy.
But it makes me hate myself that much more
For letting myself waste your time
Just to keep me alive.
I love you, so much.
But I hate you for loving me back.

--

1, 2, 3...
Deep breath, breathe.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to scare you.
It was nothing.

Blood? No.
That's just... it's nothing.
I'm fine now, honestly.
I just needed you here.

How many did I take?
Oh, just a couple.
Alright, ten.
Don't worry about it.

Stop fussing!
It's not a knife,
It's just a letter opener.
Yes, I promise.

Calm down.
Just lay with me for a while...
And when I fall asleep...
You may want to call an ambulance.

--

My eyes are blurred;
I can't see.
The metallic taste of blood
Won't leave my mouth.
I can't believe you fucking did this.
You told me you'd stay safe.
You told me you wouldn't do anything stupid.
Bullshit.
Now what?
You expect me to go to your funeral?
Huh?
You think it's just that easy to accept that you're gone?
I loved you.
Wasn't I important to you?
Didn't you love me enough
To at least say goodbye?
No.
God no.
I have to find out myself.
I have to walk into your room and find you there.
How the fuck do you think that felt,
Seeing your blood spilled everywhere?
How could you think that I could cope with this?
Do you just expect me to forgive you?

You told me you loved me,
But it obviously wasn't enough
To keep either of us alive.

--

I've watched you
These past few weeks.
I know you're strong,
But you're faltering.
It kills me to watch you slip.
Your voice is haunting,
Your eyes are shadowed,
And your smile has disappeared.

Every night, I hear you crying.
You don't hear my tears,
But they're for you.
My smile is doubly big
To make up for the one you've misplaced.
I can see you every morning,
Disappointed that you survived the night.
It kills me.

I want to hold your hand in mine,
I want to see you smile and laugh
And tell me you love me,
Because you used to.
I'm not so sure anymore,
But I love you twice as much
To make up for it.

I wish I was strong enough
To help you hold your head above water,
But it's usually you helping me.
I'm not used to this.
I wipe your tears away
And hold you,
But you shrug me off.
I don't know what I can do,
Except watch helplessly as you fall.

--

Pretty bad. I don't think they count as poems.
Meh.